For a while now, I've been reading a blog called
Sometimes Sweet, written by a warm and articulate woman called Danielle Hampton. You might note that I've talked about her before and she has even inspired me to write my own '
Currently' posts.
Danielle lives in the US and one thing I have noted whilst blog-reading is that so many American blogsters (is that even a word?) are extremely religious and their lives seem to revolve around church activities and their faith. Danielle recently wrote about her struggle to define herself as a non-believer in a country where religion seems to dominate everything in an amazing post called '
Are you there God? It's me, Danielle'. She was hesitant about posting her beliefs and went to the extent of writing a disclaimer to ensure she didn't offend anyone. What's more, in the 154 comments underneath there was an enormous majority that also felt they had to label themselves in one category or another.
I read Danielle's post last night, and haven't been able to stop thinking about it. Now Danielle is a beautiful and eloquent writer who has put across her reasoning for her non-faith more articularly than I could ever express here and I thoroughly suggest you read it in its entirety.
It got me thinking how fortunate it is that we live in a country where religion doesn't dominate people's attitudes and outlooks they way they do in the US. That is not to say that there are not a large number of people in this country who identify as believers, and some would argue that we are predominantly a Christian country. However it does not appear to be with the same religious fervour of our counterparts across the puddle and certainly doesn't seem to have the same influence over our political systems as it does in America (gay marriage issue aside).
So now it's time for a disclaimer of my own. Everything I write below is my own personal opinion. Like Danielle, I have no desire to incite hate or criticise or shed judgement on any of your own beliefs. Please respect that this is my view of the world, and mine alone, just as I respect your decision to believe, live and love the way you choose.
The number one thing that stood out to me was that Danielle and many of her readers felt compelled to classify themselves into neat little categories, that of believer or agnostic or non-believer, etc. Danielle spoke of her struggle to fit herself into one of these moulds, however I felt overwhelming sad when reading a lot of the comments that many also felt they had to have a nice, neat little label that summed up their beliefs (or lack thereof), and had extreme difficulty and some shame (in the case of non-believers) to communicate this with the outside world.
It led me to think about labels and the part they play in our lives. From the moment we're born we're labelled in one way or another and now that we're older we're still feeling compelled to stick a label on it.
I went to sleep last night with a mental image of each of us walking around with a whacking great sticky label and wondering what each would say? What would yours?
The truth of the matter is, we're all so unique so how can we classify ourselves into neat little boxes when clearly our truths, beliefs and opinions differ from person to person?
So a quick background on my own religious upbringing: as per many Anglo-Saxons, I was brought up in the Uniting Church and attended Sunday School pretty much religiously (no pun intended) with my mother. Our family was unique in that I had had a deeply religious (Catholic) father who was excommunicated for the heinous crime of marrying my mother outside the Catholic Church. Obviously dad was incredibly disillusioned by this and it had a lot of bearing on his future outlook of religion in general. He politely declined to join us on our church outings and has never really been one for organised religion to this day.
Apart from the Sunday church outings we were not a terribly religious family. We'd occasionally get embarrassed by the odd guest who'd come around and say grace, and from time to time we'd consider whether we should introduce it at the dinner table, however generally by the time the food came out we'd forgotten all about it. My parents worked hard to instil basic values in us, and my father always claimed that if we lived by the Ten Commandments we couldn't go wrong. Don't lie, don't cheat, don't steal and do unto others and all that.
I still try to live like this to the present day.
My mum used to thoroughly enjoy getting dressed up (the 'Sunday best') and going to church, I think she saw it as a time of reflection and meditation and also a social event. That all ended the day our church was taken over by a new priest whose first sermon was basically to chastise people for dressing nicely at church just to impress others and that God loved those with bare feet just as much, if not more, than those dressed all fancy. I really don't think my mum ever dressed to impress anyone else, it was more of a respect thing on her part and she was naturally a very elegant and well dressed woman at the best of times so this hurt her deeply.
We never went to church again, except for weddings or christenings and the like.
(she also discovered Sunday champagne brunches instead so all was not lost).
I guess this upbringing has given me a general mistrust for all organised religions, but a very avid interest in religions as a whole. I even studied religion at school where we investigated what made each of the major religions 'tick'. Three things became really apparent to me the more I delved. Firstly, the basic tenets of each religion were pretty much the same - be a good person. Secondly, that most of the 'rules' that religions are governed by are man-made and have nothing to do with the original purpose. And lastly, that most of the conflict, hypocrisy and wars that have occurred throughout history stem from religion. People have twisted their religion to suit themselves and to give them leeway to do both some incredibly good and incredibly heinous things in the name of God.
On a personal level, I like to think there is something out there, something bigger than us all. We are such complex, evolved creatures who think and act and have free will, and I do like to think that there has to be a purpose for it all. Somehow humans came to 'be' and were given the ability to feel, love, laugh, cry and sadly hate and inflict pain. An entire universe was created and yet in all this time we appear to be the only living creatures in our solar system. Why would this be if there wasn't some grand purpose? I think I would feel a bit bereft if I found out it was all for nothing.
I have also had a defining moment in my life that does make me believe there is more going on than what we see - when my mother died. Our family were with her at our home and we had been sitting with her for hours. Due to the length of time most of us either had our eyes closed or were deep in thought however at the same exact moment every head in the room snapped up and we just KNEW.
I walked outside, feeling completely numb and just sat there. Later my father and my sister came out and I remember them saying that I should come back inside to say goodbye. I don't recollect why I then said what I said, or why I even said it, however I asked them 'why? She's not there anymore'. I just FELT that she was gone. That whatever essence that had made my mum MY mum had gone away.
However, having said all that, I still can't say with any confidence that I'm religious. I deeply admire people who have real faith, you know the sort of faith where they just KNOW. They're not faking, they really and truly and deeply believe in their God and that he will take care of them and has a grand plan for life unfolding the way it does. They put their unflagging trust in their Lord wholeheartedly.
I just can't do that.
I guess I can accept that there is more to life than meets the eye. What I do struggle with, however, is the concept of faith. It would be absolutely lovely to just give my control over to another and just believe that things would be OK. But I've been brought up to take action and to effect change and not just sit back and believe that things will be fine. This is the thing I admire the most about believers but something I find impossible to comprehend.
I have a friend who is deeply religious and it is fascinating to talk to her. She is one of the happiest and most accepting people I know and completely without judgement. The last time we spoke I told her I admired how she could have such faith and that I felt I was incapable of it. She said something that stuck with me, and I cannot remember the exact words but it was along the lines of that it takes a community to build a church, and as a single mother I was in the position of having to be my own God.
Without wanting to sound completely blasphemous, I very much like the idea of me being my own deity.
So in summary with regard to my beliefs: do I believe in God? I don't know. Do I believe in religion? No. Do I believe in something: I think so. Do I believe that the more positive energy I put out the more I attract? Yes. Do I believe in science? Yes. Do I believe that living like a good person is it's own reward? Emphatically, yes.
So on reading all of that, I really do not see how I could possibly fit into any pre-defined category. I always go back to Cathy's mum describing our school as the 'sausage factory' and that Cathy and myself didn't necessarily fit there because we were not sausages. In this instance, I'm really not a sausage and quite honestly, I don't have any desire to be.
I guess ultimately my question is this: who decided that we all have to fit into nice, neat little labelled boxes? What is this compulsion that we as humans have for categorising everyone and everything in order for it to make sense?
To me, life doesn't make sense. And therein lies it's beauty. I don't want to be labelled. I don't want to fit into a category. Call me a rebel, but that's a label unto itself, is it not?
And from now on, at the risk of offending any believers, feel free to refer to me as my own one God.
xx
