Well I did. But now I'm all caught up on Pretty Little Liars, Gossip Girl and all the other lame-ass shows I've missed like an amputated limb...and normality is restored.
So today I went out to lunch with a colleague and we were relating stories of our kids and the evil methods we use as mothers to manage their behaviour. I was telling her that my capacity to embarrass my child is the world's most effective behaviour management strategy. For example, if E acted up in shops I'd start singing aloud and dancing, which would cause such absolute mortification that the behaviour would abruptly cease (for the record my singing voice, if it can be termed as such, is enough to make babies cry and dogs three miles away to inexplicably bark). Or else if he was having a tantrum I'd lay on the floor and have a bigger one. Yes, no other strategy works with such vigour as ye old embarrassment of the child. It's a classic. I've already warned him I plan to be the most embarrassing mother alive, which he thinks is funny now, but just you wait, my young clueless son...
I fully plan to drop him off at school dances with red lipstick applied, only to give him a giant smacker as he gets out the door. And then of course pick him up from said dance with curlers in my hair and my bathrobe and make sure I give a big shout-out to all his mates while I'm at it.
Hey I've gotta pay it forward. It's the circle of life. And yes I've watched The Lion King too many times.
Anyway, when we got home from shopping tonight he said to me that he could smell something bad. I took off my socks and said 'come here' and then shoved the socks under his nose and said, 'is this the smell?' I was in stitches because he wasn't expecting it and took a giant whiff without realising what he was doing.
So here I am falling about laughing thinking I'm the funniest person alive, while my poor son is dying of asphyxiation due to said smelly socks being shoved in his face. I was mostly laughing because he just STOOD there while I did it.
And because I'm grossly immature.
So quote of the day:
God mum, grow up!
Sorry darling number one son. But no.
So on a completely different side note, I have to say once again how ridiculously proud I am of E. A few years back we had some difficulties with bullies at school and he would occasionally just lose it and was sensitive in the extreme to anyone picking on him. It was a really rough time and I worked with him heaps to try to get him to firstly manage his own behaviour and secondly to stop being a bully magnet.
So I was incredibly proud today when he said to me that last week the two bullies in his grade singled him out and started trying to pick on him for his surname. Now growing up with a surname like Rumble definitely attracts its fair share of sniggers and comments and variations that can be delivered in either a snarky or loving fashion. Rumble in the Jungle, Rumblebum, Crumble, Stumble, Bumble...you name it, it's been done to death. E used to be really overly sensitive to people picking on his last name and I spent a lot of time working with him trying to get him to realise that pending a deed-poll name change, he was stuck with it and had to learn how to deal. Personally I just learned to embrace it to the tune that at one stage I even had an email address called JungleRumble. Hey, if you can't beat em, make sure you at least beat em to the punch.
Back onto the bullies...I have always taught E to pretend to not care, which would initially make any bully redouble their efforts to get a reaction, and then if still none, they'd move on to someone else. So he said Friday they started with Crumble, to which he dryly laughed and said 'gee haven't heard that one before'. Then this week they've moved onto various other interpretations, to which E just shook his head, laughed and moved on. And they gave up. And now not only are they not picking on him, they're leaving E's entire group of friends alone, apparently for the first time in years.
And the best part is E genuinely DOESN'T care, he doesn't even have to pretend. So awesome.
I'm one proud (yet evil) mother tonight.
Oh we bought some firewood this evening so this weekend let the firemaking practice begin! I started with a small one-day batch which I'm assuming can't get me into too much trouble and I've sought advice from a Toowoomba fire expert (ie. a colleague) who has imparted her wisdom of building something that resembles a tepee but firstly sticking my head up the chimney to make sure it's not blocked...hmmm. Presumably I do this BEFORE lighting the fire. And I would also like to clarify that 'fire expert' does not necessarily equal arsonist. Probably.
Wish me luck!
xx
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