Revenge - why ya gotta be so mean?

Ah revenge. Sweet revenge.

Vengeance. Retaliation. Retribution.

There's TV shows about it, talk shows are full of it and Hollywood has made billions on the premise of an eye for an eye. It's even in the Bible. Jerry Springer would just be some dude struggling to get his mug on telly without it.

Many see it as a basic human right, if someone does you wrong, you are perfectly justified in getting even. No blow too low, no depths off limits, win at all costs. How very Shakespearian.

Before I begin this, please know I hold no judgement, I am just an avid student of human nature who really wants to try to understand how other people tick. I've come to understand that I tend to think very differently from the majority and I guess I just want to tap into what others' thought processes are.

Maybe it's just me but I seem to be missing the vengeance gene. Perhaps I've watched too many 80s movies where bad juju comes back to the perpetuator threefold, or else it's just my DNA, but when 'getting even' means making someone else feel like a loser, even if they truly deserve it, it just doesn't make me feel good.

When I was young I was your average doormat who took the blows but never dealt them in return, bottling them until things built up to such a level that I would simply explode and overreact to the situation entirely. Afterwards I'd feel guilty and ashamed that I'd made someone else feel like crap through my own actions and words. I struggled to understand how, in Taylor Swift's words, 'why you gotta be so mean', and carried around my guilt that I'd perpetuated the cycle by taking my anger out on someone else.

In my navel-gazing early 20s I read The Celestine Prophecy which espoused the theory that when people argue, the winner essentially sucks the energy from the loser, which is why if you lose a fight you feel drained and when you win you feel empowered. I see the sense in the theory, and do feel that high when I've won something fair and square, but if I have to cut someone down to obtain that win, then I feel just as drained and small as the loser.

Don't get me wrong, I'm no angel, and am a huge fan of practical jokes, provided they're going to be received with hysterical laugher and not hysterical tears. And whilst I won't laugh at someone else's misfortune sometimes I definitely feel a sense of justification when I hear of the universe dealing someone who's done you wrong a bad hand. I like to believe in karma and those who dealt it will eventually have it come back around. But it doesn't need to be exacted by me.

I have good friends who wholeheartedly believe in vengeance. They are good people, great people with loving hearts but when someone crosses them they feel that it is only right to get their revenge in order for balance to be restored.

On a conscious level, I totally get it, but on an emotional one it leaves me mystified. I just can't get my kicks out of making other people feel bad and struggle to understand how others genuinely feel better after they've gotten 'even'.

I consider myself a cynical optimist and always try to look for the good in people. Instead of exacting revenge, I like to try to figure out their motivations - are they that unhappy in their lives that they have to make me feel small in order to feel better?

I don't know the answer, all I know I that I try to uphold my own theory, that living well is the best revenge. One of my favourite sayings is to kill people with kindness, at the very least it will drive them crazy. I don't need to one-up someone to feel better about myself and I can go to sleep at night knowing I didn't deliberately cause anyone pain today. And that works for me.

Taylor Swift was right on the money with her lyrics to Mean.

'One day, I'll be big enough so you can't hit me
But all you're ever gonna be is mean...
But the cycle ends right now cause you can't lead me down that road'

(I knew I'd be able to work Taylor Swift in here somehow. My balance is now restored).

What do you think? Does vengeance work for you? Or are you of the live and let live camp? I'd love to know.

xx