I Don't Speak Boy

When my son was born we had no idea what to do with him.

He was not only the first grandchild and hence the first baby we'd had anything to do with since, well, we were kids, but also the first boy.

We are a family of women. I come from a family with one sister, and my stepmother has two daughters and five, yes, five, sisters. And let's just say there's a large proportion of alpha females in the mix.

Any men in the family have obviously learned throughout the years to either make themselves damn near invisible or just sit there and shut up. The old happy wife/happy life philosophy is rampant in my family and it works to great effect. Even my dad, who is the rock of my world, is a quiet considered man forced to live in a house full of ballet, pink and bows with great grace, doesn't say a whole lot unless he has something meaningful to say...or trying to get a reaction. Bless.

So when Elijah came along we were clueless. Nicknamed the 'crash test dummy' it took us a while to figure out what the heck to do. It's lucky the poor kid wasn't dressed in frills and bows, frankly.

And over the years the gender divide has become so apparent that I came to the profound realisation...

I don't speak boy.

There are many things I adore about having a son, don't get me wrong. Whilst I'm a self-confessed girly girl I thoroughly enjoy taking him to see Transformers at the cinema, building Lego - I have my own obsession with the Bionicle figures, riding the craziest rides at the theme park... (in fact I'm THAT mum that you hate who dragged him on the second he hit the height requirement, thus allowing him to brag to friends who then try to make YOU take them on it. Sorry about that).

But there are certain things that a boy REALLY gets into where he may as well be speaking a foreign language.  And I just don't get it.

First there was Pokemon. If I ever meet the maker of this particularly awful piece of anime, I hope he runs fast. Seriously. For years I was forced to listen to E's obsession with these silly little characters where he'd blather on endlessly, and quite frankly I just couldn't deal. It became a famous saying in our house where I would just cut him off at the pass by saying "I don't speak Pokemon".  I felt bad but really? I couldn't understand a word.
Don't get me started on Ben 10, I am just thankful that phase passed relatively quickly as it is just too painful to discuss. I've blocked it out for my own sanity. Let's just say the day E decided he was too old for good ol' Ben was one of the happier days of my life.

So the latest one, Ninjago. So OK, I get the Lego, in fact I'm happy to buy this for him as at least it is somewhat educational (following instructions/building things etc). But then there's the cards, the action figures, something called spinners, the Iphone game app, the website...FFS! E got some money for Easter and we strolled on over to Target today and whilst I'm lustfully glancing down the aisles of pink, wondering if I'm too old to collect Monster High dolls (seriously! Where were these when I was a kid!), he's pulling at me down to the biggest display I've ever seen of Ninjago, Ninjago, Ninjago.

I'm subjected to Ninjago speak on a daily basis and my Iphone keeps getting 'borrowed' so he can play the game app...he may as well be speaking Trekkie.

Never has the gender divide been more apparent. Men might be from Mars and Women from Venus but I think boys are from an entirely different universe.

Clearly the marketing people of Ninjago deserve a raise. And mums around the world a bloody great big drink.

xx