What makes you happy?

It’s Easter Sunday and after a wonderful morning with too much excitement and WAY too much chocolate, I sat down on the computer to catch up on my gossip. And then…

Occasionally you read something that really resonates and leaves you thinking long after you’ve finished. A friend put a link on Facebook to an article called ’15 things You Should Give Up To Be Happy’.

Wow.

In a nutshell, the article says we often cling to things that cause us pain, or aren’t in our best interests, and if we let them go, a happier future awaits. Simple concept…infinitely more difficult to execute, right?

Whilst I probably knew most of these things on some kind of subconscious level, seeing it all listed really hit home. Over the last couple of years I’ve experienced some difficult life events, and learned that I didn’t really know myself as well as I thought. Without sounding too navel-gazing New Age-y, this has led to a bit of soul searching and a revelation or two along the way. I’m proud to have figured out a few things on the list below:

1.       Give up your need to always be right

2.       Give up your need for control

3.       Give up on blame

4.       Give up your self-defeating talk

5.       Give up your limiting beliefs

6.       Give up complaining

7.       Give up the luxury of criticism

8.       Give up your need to impress others

9.       Give up your resistance to change

10.   Give up labels

11.   Give up on your fears

12.   Give up your excuses

13.   Give up the past

14.   Give up attachment

15.   Give up living your life to other people’s expectations

For most of my life I felt completely constrained by a ridiculous need to make others like me and to be the best (No. 8) and no matter how hard I tried, in my mind I always fell short. Maybe it’s age or just some kind of epiphany, but I’ve gotten pretty good at giving up this one lately. And the less I give a damn about impressing others, the better it works. Less guilt, less drama, more happiness.

I’m also pretty good with change and not holding a grudge, and I’ll happily admit if I’m wrong, that’s all OK. I’ll admit there’s a small, snarky inner bitch inside me but I’ve been working on trying to duct-tape her mouth shut. She's one strong chick. But I have to plead No Contest to some of these, in particular No’s 13 through 15.

I have a particular attachment to the past, and stay loyal to people who I once knew even if I know deep down that the expiry date has long since come and gone. I find it really, really hard to let go even if I know it’s bad for me. I love reminiscing and am completely nostalgic about my past, as you’ve probably already guessed! It’s hard for me to view that as a bad thing, and it’s not like I want to go back there, I just love to remember when I was young, clueless and carefree without regard for the consequences. I’m more likely to think of the end-game these days, and whilst it’s a far less dangerous way to live, sometimes I do miss the spontaneity and the look-without-leaping that got me into both trouble and some amazing experiences that I never would have otherwise.

And some of the best times I’ve had have been past-related, like school reunions, having friendships that have lasted for 20 years, and then re-establishing contact with people from my past that turn out to be wonderful re-additions to my life.  

I guess it’s a matter of differentiating what from the past is worth keeping and what you should let go of, that’s my interpretation.

And the last point really got me – stop living your life to other people’s expectations. I think my desperate need for approval has led me to live for others rather than myself. Strangely enough, this started to change when I had my son – you’d think I’d start living for him and of course I did, but having Elijah gave me the strength to make decisions that were in OUR best interests and the backbone to carry them through. I didn’t have the courage of my convictions for a large part of my life, however being a mum has given me purpose and clarity, and I guess not enough time to deal with the bullshit that used to accompany my life. Lately I’ve made a few big decisions and feel for the first time that I actually AM living for me (and Elijah) rather than according to the expectations of others.

And it feels good.

What do you do to feel happier? Are you guilty of any of these? What do you do to overcome them? Read the full article here and let me know what you think!

And if anyone has stronger duct tape for that inner bitch, please send it over.

Happy Easter all!

xx