Lessons I have learned from Puberty Blues.

So the 'classic' (and I use that term loosely) coming-of-age drama of a 70s teen experiencing surfing, peer pressure and sex (and not necessarily in that particular order) has been made into a television series.

Now if Go Ask Alice was the book that scared you shitless about drugs, and Dirty Dancing the movie that made you SOOOO wanna dance topless with Patrick Swayze, then Puberty Blues was your average parents-of-girls horror story. Panel vans, possibly the WORST Aussie accents to ever grace a screen, liberal use of the word 'Mole', which seems to have several accepted meanings, ie:

• An ugly girl who is not at all appealing to the opposite sex (but would probably 'root' her anyway)
• The name for a girl who 'roots' you too soon in the relationship (ie. under 2 days) - these are rocky waters to navigate as anything over a week or two then you are 'frigid'
• Anyone who pisses you off

Thirteen has nothing on this horror show.

So I have watched both the movie and the TV series to date. One notable difference is that the cast of the TV series is substantially better looking than the original movie, however it's maintained the premise that the only thing a girl was good for in the 70s was a 'root'.

It's can't-look-away, car crash telly at it's very best, as only Australian TV can.

So what lessons have I learned from Puberty Blues?

• The way into the popular group is to share your ciggies and get caught cheating by writing your answers on your thigh, just like the queen bee, but then not dob her in
• Scrag fights are a perfectly normal thing for a teenage girl to engage in and in fact earn her respect
• 'Vaso' was the accepted form of lubrication. Ditto baby oil for suntan lotion
• If the popular girl asks you 'wanna come down the dunnies for a smoke' she's asking you to come to the toilets for a cigarette, and that also means you've succeeded in infiltrating the popular group!
• Girls are to sit on the beach and fetch and carry for the boys. Girls should not express any desire to surf, or nay, even get wet
• Girls are simply receptacles for boys to have a 'root'. ie. 'when should I let him root me'
• Being cool is everything
• The female orgasm does not exist

Perhaps I missed the point but there's my take on this cringeworthy but thoroughly entertaining flashback. I'd say we've come a long way since then, but I fear I'm sadly mistaken.

I do have a question regarding the television series: I distinctly remember hideous short-shorts being all the rage in the 70s yet these girls walk miles to the beach wearing JEANS. wtf?

So hope you've learned a thing or two from this post. I for one am slightly relieved to have had a boy!

xx