Dear Really Old Me
A few months ago I started this blog and one of the first things I did was write a letter to our
16 year old self, the lost little soul that she/I/you was.
I advised her to stop letting fear hold her back, to not be afraid of just being her/we/us, and to stand up for herself. I also told her to go put on her black eyeliner and weird clothes, so if you disagree with this then we're gonna have some problems. Hopefully you'll still be the same cool, non-judgemental person who embraces the individual even though you're like, really, really old. I would be disappointed if you weren't still rocking the cats-eye on occasion, even if it might be a little wonky.
Then I thought I really wanted to capture the present and leave a legacy for future me (ie. you) to read one day when you might have eventually grown up (but of course, not, never old).
So it's 2012 and Elijah is turning 12 in July. Weird huh? To me it seems like yesterday that he was so little he would curl up on my chest like a koala but you're probably looking at a grown man who hopefully has grown up to be the amazing adult I catch glimpses of today. If not, then you can probably blame me for that. My bad.
So it's May 2012 and we're just about to pack up our lives and move to Toowoomba, do you remember that? I know that it's going to be an amazing decision and we're really excited about the new house/job/life we're going to create. I know you know how it all turns out, but don't tell...I am looking forward to the surprise.
Do you remember how I/we felt right now? That whole sense of being on the precipice of change, about to take a giant leap of faith and that anything could happen? The dread at the thought of having to pack/clean/move and the tiny, tiny but persistent sensation of fear that we might be making the wrong decision? What am I thinking, leaving a secure job of 7 years and a lovely place in Brisbane where I've spent more than half my life to up-sticks and move to somewhere I've never lived, where I know exactly one person? Am I insane?
I know you also know the answer to that one but keep it to yourself - I have a medical check coming up in less than 2 weeks and would like to be able to truthfully say I do not and have never required electromagnetic shock therapy.
For the last 20 days I've been doing a Happiness Challenge - do you remember that? I hope you do and that the lessons I and therefore you have learned over the past few weeks have been life-long. So much has happened in the last couple of weeks that just may be coincidental but somehow I think the timing has dovetailed nicely - my pursuit of happiness has suddenly snowballed into all these new actions that have gained a momentum all of their own. And whilst it's scary, is really exciting as well. I hope this letter finds future me to still be taking risks, going outside your comfort zone and being a rocking grandma who's still got it.
I would like to ask you if you/I ever master how to light a fire, as I really think this might be a necessary skill to add to our arsenal. And how the changes I'm making ultimately change our life course. But I guess I'll have to be patient and find out for myself, and hope I don't get burnt!
So life at the moment is pretty damned good. The world at large is obsessed with Ipads and smart phones and wireless technology which seem so cool to us but no doubt makes you laugh at our antiquated technology much as we currently do at the humble typewriter. Facebook has ruled our lives for several years now. The news is full of the latest federal budget and cost of living and trying to get our economy back to surplus after the GFC. We have our first female prime minister who sadly is more of a national joke than a leader, and I truly hope that in the future this won't deter smart, strong women from taking on leadership roles, nor the rest of us for voting for them. I'd hate to think at your age that you still haven't seen a second woman in the top job.
The Hunger Games is currently the new 'big thing', the movie is breaking all kinds of records and everyone is anxiously awaiting the second movie (and third). I/you are obsessed with our Kindle and have read all of the books three times and are about to go back for a fourth viewing. The Voice (Australian version) has been kicking ass with the ratings in its first season and Elijah and I have made this our 'thing' where we watch together and play judges. We also saw dad the other night who had to rush off to watch it too, so right now it's really nice to have a cool, fun show that transcends all age barriers...
At the time of writing this, Flo Rida's Whistle is top of the charts, which really isn't anything for 2012 to be proud of. One Direction have recently re-created 'Beatlemania' in Australia with their tour which is kind of creepy because they really, really look like little kids, even though most are over 18. Or is that me getting older? You'd probably slap me for that as clearly you're much older than me. But there is something seriously wrong with women in their 20s salivating over a bloke who may be over the age of consent but genuinely looks about 14.
So Cathy and I and a bunch of others are planning a trip to New York next year for our combined 40th birthdays which I'll be madly saving up for when I hit Toowoomba. This will all be old news to you but do you remember how exciting it is to be planning our first overseas trip as an adult? I hope you, future me, have made your way around the globe a bunch of times by now as that's something the younger me should have done when you/she/me was still young enough to think it's cool to stay in crap places without decent amenities.
So future me, I hope this letter finds you in good health with a filthy sense of humour and not wearing some sort of futuristic shiny silver suit like in the movies. Just because we're moving forward and making new discoveries every day doesn't mean you're allowed to throw good taste completely out of the window. I promise to start taking better care of present me to give you the opportunity to enjoy all the good things and to put the life lessons I/we are learning every day into practice.
Stay cool. I'd say see ya, wouldn't wanna be ya, but that would be difficult, under the circumstances.
Love, present me (aka you).
xx
