New life. New habits. And silly jars.

My recent happiness challenge may be officially finished, however the lessons I have learned from my challenge is that positivity should be practiced daily and be a life-long habit! I will make it my mission to seize every chance to be happy, to look for the upside in life and live, laugh, love and be inspired every day.

I've been writing a list - yes, another list! - of things to do to keep my new and improved attitude through my transition to my new life in Toowoomba:

• Embrace the cold and use it to energise me. I am lucky that I tend to rev up in cold weather and impersonate a sloth during the heat so I will make it my mission to walk and talk to people instead of email and get out in the fresh air as often as I can (with earmuffs on naturally)
• Talk to one person I don't know every single day
• Make a silly jar. And choose one task daily to execute. I won't have to twist E's arm to join me!
• Make a positivity wall - frame those photos and favourite Pinterest images and hang them where I can look at them every day and remember, imagine and be inspired
• Decorate my new place in my style. Create, design and imagine like I used to, I have a million ideas! Living in a brand new place over the last few years without the ability to hang things on walls or individualise has left me empty and I'm ready to make my home fit me instead of fitting in with it (and Cathy, I'm going to hit you up for that painting you've been promising to do for me xx)
• Start sewing again, I used to love making my own pieces that were uniquely me
• Ditto jewellery, I spent months as a teenager stuck at home with glandular fever making earrings and bracelets and I loved creating something limited only by my imagination. I have heard the country's best bead warehouse is located just 15 minutes from Toowoomba so I'll be planning a sojourn in the very near future
• Play basketball with my son and start (and keep) some healthy habits!
• Explore yoga. My friend has hooked me up with a phone number of her friend who specialises in Bikram (hot) yoga. Embrace both the body/mind experience, despite sweating like a hog
• Write every day. When I started this blog I didn't really know what I wanted to write, just that I wanted a place to express something when I felt like I needed to. At first it was sometimes difficult to write anything. What did I want to say, and did I want my private thoughts out there for public consumption and possible ridicule? Do I really want to invite people into my life in such a fashion? What has been most surprising is that after a few weeks, I am now inspired to write every day and actually find it more difficult to distil my thoughts and not bombard my blog with multiple posts every day. It's an incredibly cathartic experience that I'd recommend to anyone. Already I feel more open and receptive to new things and having always been an intensely private person, this is a liberating experience!
• Be fearless. I have lived too many years afraid to do things because of the reaction I may or may not get, or what people might think. Taking a few leaps of faith recently has taught me that fear just holds you back and when you let go of it, and embrace opportunity instead, everything starts to fall in place
• Explore. Moving to a new town that I'm not that familiar with is exciting. I vow to find something new and interesting about my new hometown every weekend
• Take more photos. I am the sort of person who might snap one or two pics and then not bother for the rest of the night. I like to generally try to BE in the moment rather than hiding behind the camera however I have so many memories and very little documented evidence
• Learn how to build a fire. I will be fearless and persevere until I get it right, or am frozen solid.  Please note wood chopping is not on this list and is never likely to be

Let me know if you have any ideas for my silly jar! Write your own list and link back in the comments, I'd love to read it.

xx

Happiness...the finish line, but just beginning...

So today's the day...last day of my happiness challenge. I guess over the last week or so I've been reflecting on this challenge and what it meant to me, what I hoped to achieve and everything that has happened in between.

I remember the first day I decided to do this challenge, the thought of changing my lens on how I view the world was really appealing. I didn't know if it was going to work but nothing ventured, nothing gained right? It's really interesting to read my first post and how hopeful I was and am so gratified that I decided to do it, and pushed through the hard days.

Today has been a little difficult as we are home sick again today - E woke up worse if anything, so I really have my fingers crossed that these antibiotics kick in sooner rather than later. He alternates between warm and sweaty and cold and clammy and the tummy pains have been coming rather than going...not good. I've been dosing him up with lots of vitamins so here's hoping his immune system decides to give a roundhouse kick to all these yukky germs he's got going on.

So it's been pretty non-eventful which isn't exactly the way I wanted to end the challenge - I kind of wanted to go out with a bang. So I might take a different tack today and look overall at my challenge and what I'm grateful for.

Gratitudes:

• Overall, for the past 21 days life has been a roller coaster. When looking back, I can hardly believe that we are now in the situation that we are in, with an imminent move and a complete change to our whole lives. Three weeks ago my Toowoomba Project was in the pipeline, but definitely more in the 'I wish we could' category. Now just a few short weeks later, I now have a fabulous new job, resigned my existing one and gotten a wonderful (I hope) new place to live. Wow. If you'd told me this on Day 1 of the challenge, I probably wouldn't have believed you!
• I am really grateful for the meditation part of the challenge. I have slept better and been calmer than I thought possible during all of this change. It definitely helps keep any anxiety at bay. In fact, before my job interview I was so ridiculously nervous! You have to understand it's been such a long time since I had an interview and I was so rusty, so much was riding on it, I sat in the carpark there in Toowoomba absolutely freaking out. But I took a few deep breaths and spent five minutes clearing my mind and convincing myself that 'you got this'. And I did!
• One thing about being at home again today is that I actually made some real headway into my list. Removalists? Done! Electricity disconnect/reconnect? Done! Phone and internet? Done! I've also advised E's school of his imminent departure, paid the deposit on my new place and of course spent some time fart-assing about transcribing my list onto my Ipad. As you do. I even cracked a few boxes and quickly filled three or four before the momentum stalled. I've also taken some paint off a wall that I need to have repaired and thankfully my extremely handy builder friend has volunteered to fix this over the weekend. Handy friends are good to have and I'm pleased that my singular friend in Toowoomba has a very handy husband who I might have to borrow from time to time. Hey, remember I come from a family of women, who were generally in property management who had handy friends in high places on speed dial. And the less we say about my father's so-called 'handyman' skills, the better. Don't get me started on the time he cleaned the fish tank filter - let's just say it took 5 minutes to dismantle and 2 weeks to re-mantle (if that's a word). Enough said

Journal:
What a crazy couple of weeks, huh? I'm really looking forward to settling into our new place and letting life return to some sense of normalcy. I do feel so much better knowing that most of the important things are now under control - the only critical things left are to organise carpet cleaning and enrol E in his new school. Did I mention we google earth-ed our place and completely accidentally have managed to get a house 2 blocks from the nearest primary school? So awesome - E is used to having to get up so early to bus it to school and now he'll be able to roll out of bed and rock up in 5 minutes. So good.

Dad just rang and they are in Toowoomba tonight and he drove past our new place and has given the thumbs up. Apparently it's a beautiful street full of trees and lovely homes although he did say that the basketball hoop is missing (sadface). Will need to remedy that stat.

So now I look forward to all of the things I want to do in Tooowoomba, there's so many I'll have to make another list! First item on the agenda is to organise regular walking excursions with Willow and E and we're also going to take up yoga. I've been hearing so much lately about the benefits of hot yoga and really want to check it out - this sad old body could definitely make good use of sweating out some toxins. And as promised to my future self I need to start taking better care of me.

Other items high on the agenda is of course setting up our new place and maybe I'll even get an outdoor setting! I have an enormous balcony here but due to my champagne tastes/beer budget I have spent the last three years with this huge space filled with a BBQ and three plastic chairs. I have a covered outdoor area at my new place, according to the ad, however as it's at the back of the house and there's people still living there, dad wasn't able to report back on what it was like (no photos available on the ad unfortunately). With winter coming up I guess we'll be huddled inside for a few months so it will give me time to look around and save up for what I really want.

It's exciting to be moving somewhere I've never lived into a house I've never actually seen - the ad showed pics of a lounge room, great kitchen (with dishwasher - total necessity) and garage only. So the bedrooms, bathroom and outside are all going to be a surprise - hopefully a nice one. I'd like to think that with such a fantastic kitchen the rest of the house will match up too - however if not we can always move again although obviously this is something I'd like to avoid.

So happiness challenge - done. I really do think it has been so incredibly beneficial and I would highly recommend it to anyone in need of a bit of happiness in their lives. There were a few tough days thrown in the mix but ultimately I managed to find three gratitudes every single day, even if some of them were fairly lame! Every day got easier though, so I guess this tiny mind has programmed itself to look for the upside, which is what I wanted to achieve out of this all along. I have also learned to enjoy the now instead of 'being happy when'. Even despite sickness, anxiety and some major changes, life has been pretty damned good.

Random act of kindness:
Due to our housebound status, this is again really lame and consists of E getting a treat today consisting of his first taste of the new type of Rice Bubble bars - strawberry flavoured. Apparently it was delicious. I feel a bit let down as I kind of wanted to do something spectacular but I guess it's the consistency of taking the time to do something nice for someone every day that is the point.

Meditation:
Overall I may have fallen asleep in the middle of my poor attempts more times than I can count, but as I mentioned before, I've slept better and managed stress better than I have in ages so I really think this is something I'll try to incorporate into daily life from here-on out.

I hope this finds you at the end of your own challenge, if you did do it (or something similar) I'd love to hear how you went with it. Is there anything you do on a daily or regular basis that makes you happy? I feel like my future is wide-open and I'm really keen to try some new things so any suggestions would be welcome!

I leave you now with some photos that always make me smile...of course they're all of E!

xx

Happiness. Seeing the end of the tunnel. Day 20

So it's now just one more sleep before the end of my happiness challenge and there's a part of me that's quite relieved as this challenge really does have a habit of ruling your life and sucking your creativity - let's face it, it seems a little hypocritical to write a snarky post when you're striving to be happy and good!

However, there is a big part that will be quite sad to see it end.

I have promised myself to somehow incorporate the happiness challenge in my day to day existence - I mean, the whole point of doing it was to reprogramme the grey matter to think positively, right? If I feel myself backsliding I may have to publicly air my gratitudes and kindnesses from time to time on my blog, as it's better than a public lashing, yeah? At least for me.

So for the second-to-last time, here's my challenge for today:

Gratitudes:

• We went down to the carpark today to get the car and take E to the doctor only for the lift doors to open to the most horrific smell! Turns out there's a HUGE problem with our sewerage system and there was a plumber with his big truck trying to remedy it. Before the words registered, I said to E 'it could be worse, you could have a crap job like his' - and then realised this poor bugger literally DOES have a crap job...Bet his day was worse than mine
• Whilst getting up early, getting ready for work and then finding out that I have to stay home with a sick boy is not a fun experience, I did manage to get some mid-week cuddles that are such a rarety these days. I hate E being sick but he gets very cuddly when he's not feeling well and is so very cute. So I am happy for that, if not for the circumstances
• Thirdly I am grateful my new discovery and boredom killer...Scramble With Friends. Although apparently I'm a natural at this and already two friends have declined to play again as I've kicked their butt which I think is just bad form ha

Journal:
So an unexpected day at home today, with Elijah being unwell. The doc confirmed potential tonsilitis so he's been prescribed antibiotics to relieve it which is great - hopefully these will kick in soon. The main issue is the stomach migraines which have reared again, I guess in place of the raging headaches I've been experiencing (but which thankfully seem to be easing this afternoon).

So we've not done a whole lot today except the doctor and a quick shopping run and a bit of work and surprise surprise...more list making. Maybe I'll actually sit down and ACTION these lists soon, but not today.

Random act of kindness:
I bought E a cheesymite scroll after the doctors. We had to wait for almost an hour for our appointment and he was so good, although about to fall asleep and bored witless! Once again E delights me by his excitement over the simplest of things. Love him to bits.

Meditation:
Another success - made it through and then slept soundly, yea for me!

So tomorrow being another day, is also the last day of my challenge. Let's make it a good one!

Hope you're having a fantastic day, let me know if you have any happy news to share! Make sure you subscribe by hitting on the buttons below! I'd love to hear from you.

xx

Letter to my future self

Dear Really Old Me

A few months ago I started this blog and one of the first things I did was write a letter to our 16 year old self, the lost little soul that she/I/you was.

I advised her to stop letting fear hold her back, to not be afraid of just being her/we/us, and to stand up for herself. I also told her to go put on her black eyeliner and weird clothes, so if you disagree with this then we're gonna have some problems. Hopefully you'll still be the same cool, non-judgemental person who embraces the individual even though you're like, really, really old. I would be disappointed if you weren't still rocking the cats-eye on occasion, even if it might be a little wonky.

Then I thought I really wanted to capture the present and leave a legacy for future me (ie. you) to read one day when you might have eventually grown up (but of course, not, never old).

So it's 2012 and Elijah is turning 12 in July. Weird huh? To me it seems like yesterday that he was so little he would curl up on my chest like a koala but you're probably looking at a grown man who hopefully has grown up to be the amazing adult I catch glimpses of today. If not, then you can probably blame me for that. My bad.

So it's May 2012 and we're just about to pack up our lives and move to Toowoomba, do you remember that? I know that it's going to be an amazing decision and we're really excited about the new house/job/life we're going to create. I know you know how it all turns out, but don't tell...I am looking forward to the surprise.

Do you remember how I/we felt right now? That whole sense of being on the precipice of change, about to take a giant leap of faith and that anything could happen? The dread at the thought of having to pack/clean/move and the tiny, tiny but persistent sensation of fear that we might be making the wrong decision? What am I thinking, leaving a secure job of 7 years and a lovely place in Brisbane where I've spent more than half my life to up-sticks and move to somewhere I've never lived, where I know exactly one person? Am I insane?

I know you also know the answer to that one but keep it to yourself - I have a medical check coming up in less than 2 weeks and would like to be able to truthfully say I do not and have never required electromagnetic shock therapy.

For the last 20 days I've been doing a Happiness Challenge - do you remember that? I hope you do and that the lessons I and therefore you have learned over the past few weeks have been life-long. So much has happened in the last couple of weeks that just may be coincidental but somehow I think the timing has dovetailed nicely - my pursuit of happiness has suddenly snowballed into all these new actions that have gained a momentum all of their own. And whilst it's scary, is really exciting as well. I hope this letter finds future me to still be taking risks, going outside your comfort zone and being a rocking grandma who's still got it.

I would like to ask you if you/I ever master how to light a fire, as I really think this might be a necessary skill to add to our arsenal. And how the changes I'm making ultimately change our life course. But I guess I'll have to be patient and find out for myself, and hope I don't get burnt!

So life at the moment is pretty damned good. The world at large is obsessed with Ipads and smart phones and wireless technology which seem so cool to us but no doubt makes you laugh at our antiquated technology much as we currently do at the humble typewriter. Facebook has ruled our lives for several years now. The news is full of the latest federal budget and cost of living and trying to get our economy back to surplus after the GFC. We have our first female prime minister who sadly is more of a national joke than a leader, and I truly hope that in the future this won't deter smart, strong women from taking on leadership roles, nor the rest of us for voting for them. I'd hate to think at your age that you still haven't seen a second woman in the top job.

The Hunger Games is currently the new 'big thing', the movie is breaking all kinds of records and everyone is anxiously awaiting the second movie (and third). I/you are obsessed with our Kindle and have read all of the books three times and are about to go back for a fourth viewing. The Voice (Australian version) has been kicking ass with the ratings in its first season and Elijah and I have made this our 'thing' where we watch together and play judges. We also saw dad the other night who had to rush off to watch it too, so right now it's really nice to have a cool, fun show that transcends all age barriers...

At the time of writing this, Flo Rida's Whistle is top of the charts, which really isn't anything for 2012 to be proud of. One Direction have recently re-created 'Beatlemania' in Australia with their tour which is kind of creepy because they really, really look like little kids, even though most are over 18. Or is that me getting older? You'd probably slap me for that as clearly you're much older than me. But there is something seriously wrong with women in their 20s salivating over a bloke who may be over the age of consent but genuinely looks about 14.

So Cathy and I and a bunch of others are planning a trip to New York next year for our combined 40th birthdays which I'll be madly saving up for when I hit Toowoomba. This will all be old news to you but do you remember how exciting it is to be planning our first overseas trip as an adult? I hope you, future me, have made your way around the globe a bunch of times by now as that's something the younger me should have done when you/she/me was still young enough to think it's cool to stay in crap places without decent amenities.

So future me, I hope this letter finds you in good health with a filthy sense of humour and not wearing some sort of futuristic shiny silver suit like in the movies. Just because we're moving forward and making new discoveries every day doesn't mean you're allowed to throw good taste completely out of the window. I promise to start taking better care of present me to give you the opportunity to enjoy all the good things and to put the life lessons I/we are learning every day into practice.

Stay cool. I'd say see ya, wouldn't wanna be ya, but that would be difficult, under the circumstances.

Love, present me (aka you).

xx

Happiness, forwarding addresses and chocolate. Day 19

So today I have felt absolutely lousy. I've been battling something for a few days now and I think it's about to win the war. I woke up with a raging headache and despite about 3 litres of water, a good proportion more than the prescribed dose of Nurofen and two Hydralite drinks in case it stemmed from dehydration, I am still struggling.

The Nurofen have taken the edge off slightly but have just left me feeling somewhat loopy so apologies if I ramble or simply don't make sense today.

Generally I should probably take the 'day off' my blog, as who wants to read about someone being sick? But I feel that I've gotten so far through my challenge that I'd feel a bit let down that I didn't see it through. It may be short and sweet but even feeling like utter crap, I am sure I can muster up some positivity and maybe it will help kill off the sick cells currently waging war inside me. Come on dopamine, don't fail me now...

Gratitudes:

• So I got a house today! That's something I am so relieved and thankful for. The rental application process is brutal, and as I mentioned previously, this particular real estate seemed overly zealous, ringing pretty much every family member, colleague, sometime acquaintance and high school nemesis (nemeses?) they could track down. Huge thanks to all those who were pestered contacted and forced to say something nice about me. My new place seems so cute, I looked it up on Google Street View and am dying to see inside, I hope it measures up to the photos and if it doesn't I will simply blame those same people whose kind words helped my application be successful. The best part is there is a park literally less than a block away, although I've somehow ended up backing onto a Catholic primary school so I really, REALLY hope they don't have church bells ringing before dawn on Sundays
• I am so happy that things are now all systems go - with a forwarding address I can now really get stuck into the logistics and despite being too brain-dead to actually progress to much today, I have contacts for pretty much everything all written out ready for me to attack in Scarlett fashion, ie. tomorrow
• Thanks to all of my colleagues who told me today they're not sure how they'll cope without me, I know you're telling porky pies to boost my ego but it worked. Smile in place despite agonising pain in head

Journal:
Today's journal should really simply read "made it". As this is incredibly lame I will try to elaborate. I'm trying to wrap things up and hand things over and am in the process of writing heaps of lists both at work and at home. With severe brain fog it's not that easy but I think I managed to sound vaguely coherent when explaining something to one of my newer colleagues.

I'm also excited about some very cool plans my fellow bloggers and I have for our blog - stay tuned to see some regular features from Cathy and Willow that are so uniquely them and promise to make you laugh, dance and salivate. Can't wait to read them myself!

Random act of kindness:
I have a laptop and an external monitor at work that I use as a dual screen combo - highly recommend this setup to anyone, it is brilliant. Anyway, today I offered my monitor to one of my bosses when I leave and you'd think I just handed him a lifetime supply of chocolate. He was ridiculously excited and both his PA and I are hoping his 'shiny new toy' will divert his attention away from his unholy fascination with Iphone apps for at least a week or two.

Meditation:
Despite a nanna nap yesterday I still had no trouble falling asleep and think I nodded off in the middle once again...ooops. Perhaps some things take longer than the prescribed 21 days?

So hoping I feel better tomorrow and can offer something more exciting than 'my head hurts' and 'I'm moving'.

xx

Seafood pizza. Bacon. Doing nothing. Happiness Day 17

I'm now standing on the precipice of my last few days of my Happiness Challenge and it's made me rather reflective. It's been a fairly time consuming exercise and some days have been really tough to fulfil. There are simply some days that I don't want to be happy, dammit! Although perhaps I can credit this challenge with ensuring the last two weeks have probably had the lowest ratio of bad days I've had in ages.

The challenge has made me think a lot about what makes puts a smile on my face and a spring in my step. Everyone seeks happiness, everyone wants happiness, but what is happiness exactly?

If you google 'happiness' there are over 62 million hits ranging from deep and meaningful to clever and silly. Everyone has their own interpretation of what happiness is, but so many say the same sorts of things just using different words. My two favourites are at the opposite ends of the spectrum but essentially say the same thing:

'Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony'. Mahatma Gandhi

and 'Happiness is like jam. You can't spread even a little without getting some on yourself'. Anonymous

Incidentally, what the hell did we EVER do before google?

Gratitudes:

• I woke up feeling slightly unwell this morning so am thankful that a) it's a Sunday so I can legitimately do nothing and b) it's a long weekend so everything that I probably shoulda, coulda, woulda done today I can do tomorrow instead. Mucho gratitude for this
• I haven't actually left the apartment today but instead have once again been enjoying the glorious weather on my balcony. I really love my balcony and will definitely miss it when I leave, although I'll be trading it in for a backyard and a covered outdoor area which will likely be far more private and green so it's all good. I love to be outside and have missed that in unit living, so my balcony is a godsend
• Thank you for the great response on my post about being a single mum. Sometimes it's really difficult to write about things that are deeply personal however it is extremely liberating and gratifying when your writing catches people's imaginations. I'm still learning about this whole blogging business and trying to find my feet and what people like to read, and if someone can read what I write and identify with or get something out of it, then that is a wonderful feeling

Journal:
The day has whizzed by despite a (too) early wake-up and a lazy day of doing absolutely nothing. I was about to go for a nanna nap when I realised it was past 4pm and that I probably missed my window if I'm going to sleep tonight.

It has been a really lovely day, I cooked bacon and toast for E and myself for breakfast which I haven't done since I can't remember when. Then...blissful nothing.

Now we've made homemade pizzas (seafood, my favourite) and they're in the oven for an early dinner. Mmmmm.

And tomorrow a few bits and pieces of tidying up and then meeting dad for dinner, lovely.

Loving this weekend, if this is what happiness is, I'll take it.

Meditation:
I stayed up far too late last night for no apparent reason and once again fell asleep at some mid point during the bedtime visualisation. Perhaps that's why I feel lousy today?

Random act of kindness:
This is lame but I let E run over and grab sushi for lunch and that's about as far as I got. He was happy so I guess it counts?

So have you had a good day? Do you get a long weekend too and if so, what have you been doing with your time? Would love for you to let me know.

xx

Happiness. Date Night. The Hunger Games and more Ninjago...Day 16

So day 16 of my challenge is upon me and I am happy that it's crazy!

I just got home from date night with my son after what has been the most excellent of days and a brilliant beginning to a long weekend.

So let the gratitudes begin!

Gratitudes:

• I am so grateful to be finally making some headway on my Toowoomba Project. We visited the police station today to lock up my son submit my police certificate request so that is now out of the way. I've been also making lots of lists of things that I still need to do so whilst there's heaps there I'm feeling much better organised and like I have some direction. Small blessings. I get my boxes from dad on Monday so packing and sorting will begin in earnest then.
• I say this a lot but Elijah is quite simply the light of my life. He has the craziest sense of humour and is forever running into me to tell me this nutty story or that...he has me in stitches daily and is turning into a right little character. Me being me completely encourage him to embrace his nuttiness individuality and made him go and change out of his boring blue shirt into his fangs one. His enthusiasm for our move is making me even more excited. I think if he was really against moving I would seriously reconsider as he's quite a wise little soul underneath that crazy persona.
• Lastly I am grateful just simply for the most perfect day. We woke up reasonably early and went and had breakfast, haircuts, did a bit of shopping and then came home for a lovely relaxing afternoon followed by date night. Everything was just perfect.

Journal:
So I surprised E tonight with tickets to see The Hunger Games. We saw it a few weeks ago and loved it, but I was so focused on matching the movie to the book and trying to remember what came next, and REALLY REALLY hoping it wouldn't suck to watch it in detail. I felt kind of like a third party observer rather than getting absorbed in it. So I really wanted to see it again to just really sink into it and WATCH.

And it was even better the second time around. Going in knowing it was going to be good allowed me to really get into it and appreciate the nuances of which the movie is full of. I know all the critics have said this, but Jennifer Lawrence is quite simply brilliant. She has captured the spirit of Katniss and played her with depth and feeling, I really don't think any other actress could have topped her performance. She WAS Katniss. I'm a big fan of a fabulous strong female character (see previous Scarlett O'Hara admiration post), and no-one who's read the books can doubt this woman is one. However, I was really afraid whoever won the role would just play her as a straight out badass without really capturing the emotional backstory that brought her there in the first place. Watching her quite literally shaking in her boots just as she was entering the games was worth the price of admission.

I cannot recommend this movie or the book highly enough. If you haven't read or seen it yet, then what are you waiting for? I've asked E to write his own review on the movie and I will post this as a comparison to mine (I'm sure his will contain an overuse of the word 'RAD' - just saying).

Check out the link to Amazon at the bottom of the page if you want to get your hands on a copy - I promise you'll be just as hooked as I am. Just a hint, the second book is even better than the first and you CANNOT imagine how much I'm anticipating that movie!

Random act of kindness:
There's been a few today and all centre around E. I just love to surprise and delight him because he gets so excited and it's just infectious. We went browsing through Toyworld and of course Ninjago was the hot topic of the day (for the uninitiated, see my post I don't speak boy). Some of the spinners, whatever they are, were on sale for half price so I let E get one. We had to toss a coin as he couldn't decide between two, and don't ask me what they were due to the language difficulties experienced when speaking Ninjago (all I hear is blah blah blah). Crazy how a $9 item can make you feel like the best mum in the world. I followed this up with his favourite breakfast and then The Hunger Games tonight, so all in all, my son has gone to sleep with the biggest smile on his face and his parting words of 'this was the best day ever'. Job done.

Meditation:
I am either getting better or worse at this, I always fall asleep during the process but am sleeping so well lately that I'm clearly very relaxed. And despite the millions of things running through my head of all the things I have to do (two weeks...eek!) and the copious quantities of caffeine I consume right before bed, it doesn't seem to stop me from dozing off really quickly. So despite the niggling feeling that I'm doing it all wrong, I'm pretty cool with it all.

Please let me know what you thought of The Hunger Games! I am pretty damn obsessed with this series and despite having read the trilogy three times now am already itching for a fourth go-around. I can't decide if I'm on Team Peeta or Team Gale. Obviously Gale is Thor's bro, and seriously hot, but then again he's dating Miley Cyrus so there's your downside right there. Peeta on the other hand is kinda dorky but so sweet without being sickly that he's kinda winning me over too. Torn.

Twilight who?

Would love to hear your thoughts on the books, how they compare to the movie, did you love, hate or meh?

xx

Date Night - The Hunger Games

Happiness. Meatheads. Brick Cottages and Free Chocolate Fridays. Day 15

So did anyone watch Celebrity Apprentice last night? I was both amused and appalled by Jason Akermanis who quite simply proved to me why I have such an aversion to football. The reputation of the hot-headed sore-losered meathead is alive and well, on and off the field. He went on interviews today apologising for the swearing but refusing to accept that losing so disgracefully was at all bad form, putting it down to his 'passion'. I prefer to call it asshattery.

Perhaps you can get away with that sort of behaviour in the locker room, but the Boardroom requires a little more dignity and professionalism. Go back to thugby, Aker.

So onto the gratitudes!

Gratitudes:

• One of my colleagues deemed today to be 'Free Chocolate Friday' at his desk. Needless to say his popularity increased exponentially and he is now mine and pretty much everyone else's favourite person in the world. Whether he bows to pressure to make this a regular Friday occurrence remains to be seen, but thanks buddy!
• For some reason the real estate processing my rental application decided to call my dad and my stepsister for references. Huge gratitudes to them for lying through their asses and telling them what an awesome, brilliant housekeeper I am. Owe you big time xx
• My boss sent an email to our team formally announcing my departure today. He said absolutely the nicest things about me and it really was the perfect ending to my work week. "Dedicated and superb service" were just some of the niceties in the email...I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy, and of course superb and brilliant.

Journal:
 So today has been quite an an exciting day. I finally DID think about it tomorrow (ie. today) and started to write my lists and tick things off. In typical Virgo style, I can't do these things half-assed and have created my notebook entitled 'The Toowoomba Project'.

So lame right?

So my notebook contains lists of all the things I need to do which I can then tick off as I do them. I've even created separate sections like "New House", "Old House", "New Job", "Old Job" and "General".  So OK I did spend far more time creating my notebook than I did actually DOING any of it but I was happy to accomplish a few things today, ie. contact a moving broker, get quotes for cleaning, officially give notice at my apartment. Baby steps.

Things are starting to come together, I think I've filled out more forms and applications and emailed and faxed more documents than I ever have before but I'm trying to work through it. Will be so much more focused when I have a forwarding address - and hopefully THE address of the gorgeous little brick cottage I applied for yesterday. Eli is over the moon about the basketball hoop over the garage, and I must admit I think I dreamed of sitting on front of the fireplace last night.

So now it's the long weekend and I've celebrated by watching the latest episode of The Secret Circle and am halfway through The Vampire Diaries. I have said before that my television viewing habits mimic those of a 15 year old girl, and I'm totally unapologetic about it. I proudly own the entire series of Buffy on DVD and tune in every Tuesday to stream Gossip Girl and Revenge online. Mock if you must. I'm used to it.

Tomorrow I'm looking forward to getting E and myself some long overdue haircuts, I need a couple of inches off and would love to finally get rid of these awful dead ends. Cannot wait to settle into my new job and start visiting my hairdresser on a more regular basis.

Random act of kindness:
You know what, this sounds bad but I really can't think of anything specific today. I think I was generally an all-around, good natured person to be around today, I was in a great mood and nothing really pissed me off. Is that considered my gift to the world? Perhaps it's a good thing that I'm not as focused on ticking off the boxes on this challenge as I was in the first 2 weeks. I was getting really bored of the challenge and starting to find it tiresome. But now being positive does seem to be a bit more firmly entrenched in this tired little brain. My usual MO is to whinge and bitch but then immediately try to find a solution or an upside, so I'm not exactly negative, but not wholeheartedly positive either. This exercise I think has been an excellent thing to do, if only as a reminder that even when your day bites the big one that overall life really doesn't suck.

Have a lovely long weekend everyone!

xx



My Toowoomba Project Notebook!



This is what I see when my son rings my Iphone...



Happiness. Scarlett O'Hara. Nana love! Day 14

Maybe I've gotten over my grump hump but this week hasn't sucked. I say this despite not feeling 100%, and whilst slightly overwhelmed with details that I REALLY should start sorting out but right now I've redeveloped my girl crush on Scarlett O'Hara and her awesome 'I'll think about it tomorrow' philosophy.

So ok all it got her in the end was sad and alone but lets face it, she was kind of a bitch who stole her sisters husband, just for starters, and I'm sure that had more to do with it than her downfall than her well-honed procrastinating.

And whilst on the subject, did you know there are Scarlett Barbies? Want!!!

So it's gratitude time and I warn you in advance, it's been pretty quiet and uneventful today so try not to be too disgusted with my efforts.

Gratitudes:

• So in a completely random turn of events, my bus actually turned up, and on time. Both of them. Laugh if you will but any Brisbane commuter thoroughly understands that even on a good day it's a crapshoot.
• I said this yesterday that the days were flying and I must say it was a lovely surprise to wake up and think it was Wednesday. Frankly it's usually Tuesday thinking its Friday or something equally depressing. So I'm thankful for that.
• I spoke to my grandmother last night and told her my news. She was so happy for me and we had the most awesome chat. Having lost my mum in my teens, I've always lamented that I never knew her as a person, only a mum, and maybe that's why I'm so close to her mum instead. Or maybe it's because my nana is the most loving, generous and kindhearted person I've ever met and just an all-around cool chick. Life hasn't been kind to her yet she's still a positive and beautiful spirit and I love her enormously.

Journal:

 So it was a lie to say I haven't done anything for the Toowoomba project. I actually bit the bullet and applied for a house today, sight-unseen. This could either be a move of considerable genius or lunacy but as Ms Positivity I'm gonna believe its the house of my dreams. At least its a reasonably cheap mistake as it was much less than I expected. Sometimes you just have to follow your gut and surely with the size of mine, there must be some wisdom in there? So it's the cutest little house with an awesome kitchen, deck, huge car shed and most importantly, heating. I think it even has a fireplace which I've never had before so if you hear of some moron who effed a housefire up Toowoomba way this winter please pray that it wasn't me.

Fingers crossed and positive vibes for me to get it!

Random act of kindness:
It was my stepsister's birthday yesterday and for the occasion I graciously let her win Words With Friends. She'll say she flogs me at least several times a week but that's just my strategy. God I'm awesome.

So back to Scarlett, she was the original Katniss, a true kick-ass survivor chick. I haven't watched Gone With The Wind in far too long but think it's gonna have to come out before I head mountain-wards. And in true Scarlett spirit, tomorrow is another day!

xx

Happiness. Lucky 13!

So the day most people dread that I actually embrace (see previous Friday the 13th post for more!).

It's day 13 of my challenge to reprogramme the grey matter into always looking on the bright side of life (doo doo, doo doo doo doo doo doo) and after a rocky start, my usual luck with the number 13 didn't let me down.

Gratitudes:

• So the day started with a rude snooze button interlude that literally had me from shower to door in 6 minutes. I blame The Voice (these battle rounds are too good not to watch, but OMG they finish just too late). But I sucked it up and presented myself at work with a smile and renewed sense of enthusiasm. Or as much as I could muster. Alright, I sat there dumbly at my computer with headphones firmly in place to block out the world. That's what you get for 6 minutes. I found in my inbox a big project that had to be finished by 3:30pm TODAY. Crap. As any normal person would, I immediately took myself off for a stress walk, which is my usual reaction (and far more positive than kicking the crap out of the photocopier, I have found. That just hurts your foot and gets you in trouble). I then sat down, bitched under my breath for a while and then evaluated my options. a) tell the person to bugger off. b) bitch a lot but just do it or c) just get on with it and see if someone could help me. Being the happy positive person I am (!) I chose c and immediately co-opted a colleague who had the misfortune of being unscheduled today. Between the two of us we knocked it over with a couple of hours to spare and even got thanked at the end of it for a job well done. So this is a shout out to my poor colleague who probably thought he had a cruisy day but instead ended up doing a couple hours of crappy admin for me instead. And he did it with a smile, which is more than I can say for me. So thanks dude, you saved my sanity (and my other colleague from being told to bugger off of which the fallout would likely not have been pretty).
• Today I'm even grateful to see yellow scarf girl and I'll tell you why. I've spared you from this due to its awfulness but due to the past few cool mornings, scarf girl has foregone said scarf and instead sported an extremely unfetching cream knee length cardigan complete with hood worn up over head. I wish I was kidding. So seeing her today with the bloody yellow scarf (every. damn. day) put a smile on my face. Normality is restored.
• I am really, really grateful that E won't be around at his school for school camp, seeing as we just got sent an invoice for $295 for 4 days. Where are they staying, the Beverly Wilshire? I remember my grade 7 camp we were literally given a backpack, groundsheet, sleeping bag and a square of plastic with a couple of ropes between four of us and told to get creative. And it was fantastic. I think we had shower facilities on only about 3 nights and came home filthy, exhausted and totally exhilarated. I really think we over-pamper the kids these days, last year's camp was in some 5 star cabin style accom complete with surfing lessons. I mean really?

Journal:
So another day and another day without real action on the Toowoomba project. My dad rang me and was reminding me that time's running out...yes I know dad, but everything kind of hinges around getting somewhere to live and finalising the move-in date. I've got a few possibilities that I'm excited about on realestate.com.au but am a little apprehensive about trying to rent a place sight-unseen. I come from a family of real estate agents and am well versed in advertising-speak (original = shithole that has not been touched in 50 years etc) and know they have some awesome tricks to make things appear twice as big and nice in photographs as it actually is in person.

So I think I'll be heading up there on Saturday to check things out in person before I commit to anything. Sure I can move in 6 months, but ideally we'll find a place where we can settle in and make a proper home rather than living temporarily in something that isn't all that great.

Otherwise I'm starting to wrap things up at work and make sure everything's handed over properly. I really don't want to be THAT person who everyone carries on about after they're gone 'that BASTARD didn't finish that', 'I inherited that piece of crap from that ASSHAT who couldn't be assed doing it properly' etc. I've witnessed this on a lot of occasions, and OK I've been known to utter such words a time or two myself. I would prefer everyone to be 'oh we had no idea how much Bec did until all the wheels fell off the wagon when she left' and then go cry in the bathrooms before calling me to beg me to come back....ha.

Anyway it's a personal sense of pride that I leave things finished and tidy and handed over to the next person.

And then maybe I'll find a place to live.  Too many thoughts in this tired old brain!

Random act of kindness:
I offered to go on a coffee run for a colleague who always moans that no-one ever asks her. She said no. But I offered. So that counts.

Meditation:
Last night I filled myself up with good energy, and started to drain the bad. I was so tired I think I made it all the way through but my recall isn't that great. Would really love some tips from any meditation gurus out there, cause clearly I am really, really crap at this.

Hope your hump day was good for you! I'm actually amazed at how quickly the week is flying by, it honestly feels like I've blinked and missed the last couple of days. I really thought the anticipation of the Toowoomba project would make time really drag. Perhaps this challenge of trying to enjoy the moment is actually working, as everyone knows the theory of relativity - ie. when you're bored you close your eyes and it's a minute later but if you're having a good time hours fly by in the blink of an eye. 

xx

The happiness challenge. Day 12

Past the halfway point now! I think part of my issue with this is that I'm not so good at following instructions and my first instinct when I feel obligated to do something is to find a way to get out of it. But perhaps my lesson here is to learn how to stick with things?

So here we go:

Gratitudes:

• I'm grateful that for the past few years I've been sitting next to someone in the office who is genuinely the most happy and positive person I've ever had the pleasure to meet. I asked him last week if he was in a good mood and his response was "I'm always in a good mood". And you know something, it is absolutely true. I tried to think of a time over all these years where I've seen him in a bad mood and I really couldn't think of one! Mind you, this guy works crazy hours, is ambitious and motivated and generally does the work of several people. Yet he's always got a smile, joke and a kind word for everyone that crosses his path and has us all in stitches on a regular basis. Somehow he's worked out the key to happiness along the way and I wish I'd taken the time to observe and learn from him as he's someone I deeply admire. I'm really thankful to have met someone like him, there's so many days I'm not feeling great and then I have a chat with my fellow deskmate and his infectious happiness rubs off.
• I'm also grateful for one of our newer girls at work. She's been thrown in at the deep end and has calmly and resolutely put on the happy face and motored on through. She has become a real support to me over just a few short weeks and I know that she's going to be a powerhouse there after I leave. I always like to know I'm leaving things in good hands and her capable and happy nature are going to be a great asset.
• Lastly I am grateful for my friends who are going to great lengths to ensure I get a sendoff worth remembering. I leave Brisbane not without sadness and I think there'll be a few tears before kickoff to be honest. I feel very loved and supported by some amazing women who are absolutely my family, regardless of blood ties.

Journal:
So like a typical ostrich I'm trying to ignore the fact that I'm going to be homeless soon unless I pull my finger out and start making arrangements. Life has just been so chaotic lately and I feel the body and brain just needs a brief respite before digging into it with gusto. I'm not that good at making decisions these days, the Toowoomba project has been probably over a year in the making and now that I've done it, you'd think I'd be barrelling forward but I just can't do more than a brief plod each day. Oh well, I have a long weekend coming up and will try to make some headway then. Although with my dad and stepmother visiting, likely I'll be distracted enough to procrastinate..ha. I'm also looking forward to Mothers Day on Sunday, my gorgeous E always makes me a card and loves to go over to the shopping centre to pick me out a gift. I must say after some dubious offerings in years past, he's developing some excellent taste!

This post also cannot be complete without a reference to The Voice. The battle rounds were on last night and we were glued to the TV despite it taking more than 2 hours. So tired by the time it was done, and I truly don't know how E woke up this morning as his bedtime is usually around 8ish. Well worth it though, some of the pairings were so heartbreakingly good, I seriously don't know how the judges were able to choose. In most cases I think they got it right although on a few of them I bet they're kicking themselves for pairing up certain duos knowing they'd have to get rid of one.

So looking forward to doing it all again tonight.

Tweet of the evening: "Confucius say: two Maddens are better than one". Love it.

Meditation:
I vaguely recollect starting to drain the bad but not sure if I finished before I nodded off? Did feel slightly better this morning so maybe that's a sign? Work in progress.

Random act of kindness:
I offered to do a couple of things at work today as I saw someone struggling a bit, and for once I didn't immediately think, oh good, my random act of kindness! It's only now when I'm sitting down thinking about what I'm going to write that I remembered. Perhaps I'm starting to do these things automatically instead of overanalysing? Time will tell.

So it's been a bit of a reflective day today. I guess the nostalgia will start to build in the next couple of weeks as I get on the countdown to the Toowoomba project (not a tree change. Not).

Hope you're having a lovely day! Are you following the happiness challenge or have you done something similar? I hear the Laws of Attraction theories are quite similar and would love to hear from anyone who's experienced any of these.

xx

Happiness. Theme songs. Mondays. Oxymorons (day 11)

So day 11 represents just over halfway through my challenge and whilst it has been an interesting exercise, it can be really tiring! Maybe it's my overanalytical nature coming to the fore, but I am going through my days thinking about the challenge and going, oh, I can write that as a gratitude, and wait, wouldn't that be a good random act of kindness?

Which kind of defeats the purpose of a random act of kindness, yeah?

I must say it is starting to feel a little manufactured and repetitive, but if it's reprogramming my brain to automatically be positive then I should probably stick with it. And it's not like I lose anything, at the end of this I'll have clocked up 21 days of doing something nice for others even if it was calculated in advance! And that can't be too bad.

So day 11, here we go:

Gratitudes:

• In probably the most uncalculated move of this challenge, my brain automatically decided to designate today as my looking out the window and doing nothing day. For the past few days I've woken up sooo legarthic so getting out of my cosy bed this morning was harder than the typical Monday morning. The eyes opened with a small vocabulary of four words...'shit work', 'shower' and 'coffee'. I was so foggy that nothing other than daydreaming on the bus today was going to be possible. And once again, it was lovely. Time actually went so quickly, or perhaps I managed a quick nanna nap, I can't promise I didn't. And as I think it's hilarious watching others sleeping on public transport, perhaps I inadvertently provided someone else with a genuine random act of kindness today?
• I'm grateful my colleague finally got some lunch at 2:30pm thus temporarily stabilising her blood sugar ratios and reverting her to a lovely and pleasant colleague. Christ I'm scraping the barrel today, but try working with a hungry, cranky Italian woman :) You know I'm speaking the truth!
• So I sent off all the paperwork today for my new job so it's official! That is, pending police and medical checks...oh dear! Hopefully someone hasn't stolen my identity and gone around creating havoc breaking the law recently, that would be tiresome. And messy. And it wasn't me. Otherwise I should be OK unless they decide any lazy bum over 35 is not fit to work there. Fools gave me a blue card so I mustn't be too bad.

Journal:
So we're doing this thing at work at the moment where we have to nominate theme songs for certain aspects of what we do, different ones every week, to create the Brisbane 'playlist'. I wanted to do this a few years back but I think it might have been vetoed in our team as the powers-that-be were slightly afraid (read: terrified) of what inappropriateness would ensue from this challenge. For example, I don't think they were terribly impressed with my suggestion that my signature song should be "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap".

It has got me thinking though about songs that form the soundtrack of your life. What would be your theme song?

Meditation:
So I got a little further in last night, I'm trying this visualisation thing where you let the good energy fill you up and then let the bad energy drain out. Problem is, I always seem to fall asleep just before draining out the bad stuff. So maybe I'm walking around with the good and the bad all snarled up inside me? This could be a problem.

Random act of kindness:
Someone just told me the bus thing doesn't count. Killjoys. I gave one of my workmates some of my butter today. Surely that counts? I could've been a selfish cow and said no, right?

How's your week starting out for you? Hoping your Monday is working magic for you!

xx

The happiness challenge. Day 10

Day 10 and the good vibes keep on coming. Of course it's the weekend so is relatively easy to find the upside on everything!

Happiness challenge is full-steam ahead...today at least!

Gratitudes:

• I'm so grateful we got to see some friends today before our big move. They're off on the holiday of a lifetime tomorrow and we'll be relocated by the time they return home. So this was our last hurrah whilst still residents of Brisbane and it was lovely to spend some time with them before they (and we) depart.
• I probably sound like a broken record but I am ridiculously grateful to have such a centred and flexible kid who, whilst freely admitting he will miss his friends and to some anxiety about our move (will the kids like me?), his excitement outweighs his fears and he is really looking forward to going. I probably wouldn't have made a move like this if he was violently opposed to it and his acceptance and supportiveness has been a godsend. It was also fantastic to spend the day with one of his schoolmates and another boy who he didn't know very well - listening to them play it became obvious to me that I have raised a little diplomat who seems to smooth the ruffled feathers and be the referee in many instances! That's pretty damned cool. Even if he is mega jealous that his mate gets to go 'under Niagara Falls mum, and to Legoland and Space Mountain!'
• I am grateful that since I've been living in my place I've accidentally become pretty organised. I've had to find a bunch of paperwork this weekend and was putting it off thinking it would be a gargantuan task yet they were exactly where I thought I MIGHT have put them if I'd been better organised.

Journal:
Saying goodbye to some friends today was hard. This is my first farewell as they are going on holidays for 5 weeks to Canada and the US (jealous!). We'll be well and truly in Toowoomba by their return, although we've arranged for a sleepover a week or two after they get back so it isn't exactly 'goodbye forever'. Our kids have become really close in the past couple of years at school and it will be hard for both of them to not see each other every day.

It was a fantastic day though, adults on the deck (despite a rainy and cold day), kids playing happily not killing each other inside, BBQ lunch, great conversation and lots of laughter. It was really nice to spend time with a friend and make a new one!

Settling down now for the night to indulge in what is fast becoming our family tradition - watching The Voice. The battle rounds begin tonight and they look electrifying. Cannot imagine the poor judges having to pick, it would be like asking which of your kids you prefer (probably why I only have one).

Random act of kindness:
We did the BYO BBQ thing today as my friend has been ensuring that nothing would be left in the house before their holiday.  We took some sausages and rissoles over and stopped off on the way to buy a loaf of bread from the bakery as I knew she wouldn't have any. And what's better than bakery bread?

Meditation:
Again I stayed up too late last night and then fell asleep within seconds so meditation or not, my mind and conscience must be clear!

So the challenge wasn't exactly a challenge today, in fact this entire weekend has been restful and lovely, probably the calm before the storm! I've been Instagram-ming up a storm and thought I'd share some with you from our weekend.

Hope you've had as lovely a weekend as we have!

xx

The happiness challenge. Day 9

Once again it's the wonderful weekend and there's so much to be happy about, not the least that it is a non-work day and I could enjoy a sleep-in. It's been pouring with rain pretty much all day and bloody cold for this time of year. So it was the perfect excuse (like I need one) to hibernate inside and get as little accomplished as humanly possible. As this is something I excel at, you can be sure barely anything was done except for catching up on TV shows and asking E to run any and all errands so I could stay in my PJs.

So day 8 is going well! Here's the challenge:

Gratitudes:

• If you haven't yet read Cathy's rant on the generation gap, make sure you do. Reading this transported me straight back to grade 12 and the crazy things we did. And colour us all shocked when the teacher actually gave Cathy free rein with that play, let's just say that teachers trust and Cathy didn't exactly go hand in hand back in the day. I am so grateful to her for making me remember the good old days but also her views on 'different' styles of parenting. I for one wish that I had had the courage to just be myself at a much earlier age, and I thoroughly encourage my son to dance to the beat of his own drum and discover just who he wants to be rather than being forced to conform. Although it wouldn't surprise me in the least if our children 'rebel' by being the straightest and narrowest adults just to spite us!
• Secondly I am grateful to have such wonderful feedback on the Toowoomba project, as I have now dubbed it, as 'tree change' seems like a mid-life crisis thing that I'm FAR too young to be having. Whilst everyone needs to stand on their own feet in life, knowing you have that soft cushion of support is the most incredible feeling.
• I have just spent a couple of hours pissing about on my home laptop that hasn't been used much in the last few years due to my excessive use of my work one instead. I've debugged and defragged and de-cluttered and whatever else it is that you do in a futile effort to get your antiquated piece of technology to go faster. Then I started to re-organise my music files which has given me a great laugh. I have to thank the influence of my parents, my childhood, some really grungy clubs and some avid music fan friends for my.....um...eclectic collection. With everything from the Beatles to KISS to Sisters of Mercy to The Cure bad 80s to grunge to Call Me Maybe (I tried so hard to hate this song but it's just impossibly cute and upbeat), everything is represented. I either have schizophrenic taste or just like what I damn well please, haha. I pride myself on having some of the WORST and most annoying one-hit-wonders on there because some days its just what you need to lift your mood. And it really annoys your friends when you post it on Facebook and it sticks in their head all day (Against All Odds, anyone?). So I'm grateful to my music collection today. You provide the soundtrack of my life.

Journal:
So I've spent the laziest day today doing the vegetable impersonation that was so rudely snatched from me last weekend during the manic cleaning spree. The wonderful part is the place is still clean and tidy so it feels good to relax guilt free instead of KNOWING you should be doing something but not being arsed.

I'm starting my list of things I need to do before I leave, and it's a little daunting. But I've ticked off the most important - get job (check), resign (check), give notice at my current place (check). Not missing anything vital there...oh wait...

Somewhere to live when we get there? Oops!

I've had a look on realestate.com.au and there's nothing there to get me really excited but I've seen a few come and go so I might hold out for another week before I start to panic and realise if I don't pull my finger out we'll be homeless...

My dad's bringing some boxes for me in the next week or two so then the packing rampage will begin. I'm a veteran packer and don't have that much stuff so it shouldn't take long, its just that having somewhere to send them might be useful? Do ya think?

Looking forward to a BBQ with some friends tomorrow that are about to take off on a fabulous holiday and I will be owning Toowoomba by the time they return. Apparently in a pink jacket. But that's probably a post all on its own.

Random act of kindness:
Haven't left the apartment today so I guess all I can think of is letting E run over to the shops for cheese and bacon rolls for his breakfast. Surely that's being a kind mum?

Meditation:
I stayed up past midnight last night doing little more than mucking about on the computer, watching TV and bits of reading here and there. By the time my head hit the pillow, I was lights out in about 5 seconds or less. I'll get the hang of this thing one day...

Hope you're having a wonderful Saturday too!

xx

If you don't move forward, you stand still..(oh and day 8)

I've been hinting that I have big changes in the wind, and I'm excited to announce that in just a few short weeks, Elijah and I will be moving to Toowoomba. This has been in the pipeline for a while however I wanted to wait until I got a job offer before permanently uprooting us, and to officially resign before I said anything. Now that it's happened I'm part apprehensive, part excited and part downright terrified. I've been in my current job for 7 years and have gotten into a comfortable and easy rut which has been hard for me to admit, and even harder to do something about. But I've been standing still for a while so I'm overdue for big changes! And what's bigger than moving house, home and son to an entirely different town? As my friend said, I'm joining the Toowoomba mafia (although my response, as a subversive Virgo was that of course I'll be their new leader).

It was incredibly hard to resign, I have real mixed emotions about it. My life has been at my company for such a long time, I have made such changes over the years that I barely recognise the person who first walked through those doors. I have learned so much, made lifelong friends and have been really, really fortunate to work amongst such intelligent and talented people who have been so giving with me over the years.

Now it's all systems go and the next few weeks will be a maelstrom of finding somewhere new to live, enrolling E into school, figuring out all the logistics and of course, packing!

Toowoomba is a really pretty large mountain town/small city about 1.5 hours from Brisbane. The drive there is gorgeous, right through countryside that looks like some kind of fake idyllic advertisement for cheese. Last time we were there we literally drove straight through a cloud as we were going up the mountain, it was amazing!

Toowoomba is famous for having zillions of parks, the annual Carnival of Flowers and of course, bloody freezing winters! The tourism website describes it as 'crisp mountain air'. A cute way of saying 'you're gonna FREEZE baby!' As someone who loves but really feels the cold, I'm a little scared! I think finding a house with really great heating is going to be high on the agenda.

The best thing about Toowoomba is that it's so inexpensive. It's like Brisbane 20 years ago - the salaries are the same (if not better), but rentals are crazy cheap and they have the cheapest meat/fruit/veg/fuel in the country. And to be able to offer that old school lifestyle to my own kid...how can you pass that up?

I have spoken to a few people about my proposed move and most have been WTF? I've always been a city girl, and have never lived in Toowoomba in my life. I know exactly one person there. Am I nuts?

Probably.

Brisbane is my home town, and I'll always hold it dear but frankly, I feel that a single income family (and many double income) is fast getting priced out of this city. It costs E and I hundreds of dollars a month just for the privilege of going to and from work/school, the rents are beyond insane and I seem to spend most of my life these days on a bus. By the time I walk in the door each evening I just feel shattered, which doesn't make me a great mum. When the weekend rolls around, we're so tired and/or broke that we end up stuck in a unit in a highrise which just doesn't make for a great quality of life.

In Toowoomba I can drive to and from work in 5 minutes - free parking! What's that? And with rents up to around $150 a week cheaper we can afford a great place where we can really make a life for ourselves..if we don't freeze first. It's exciting to check out realestate.com.au and for once be able to decide what WE want instead of what is the least crappy place can we afford! And while my thumb is thoroughly brown, I can't wait to have a garden once again and have heaps of plans for a lovely herb garden like I used to have a few years back. E's already looking forward to mowing...NOT.

And only a short trip to Brisbane so it isn't like I won't still be coming to visit the girls, the only difference is I'll just be begging the couch for the night and angling for a good old-fashioned girlie sleepover.

Change can be really scary and when I got the phone call offering me my new job my first instinct was to say no, chuck the idea and maintain the status quo. How many times do we NOT do something cause it's out of our comfort zone? And in my letter to my 16 year old self I told me you'll only regret the things you don't do. It feels right. And E's excited.

All these thoughts were running through my head when I resigned. My last day there will be the end of an era. I'm sure there will be plenty of tears. You spend so much time at your job that it becomes like your home, and the thought of not going back there is kinda frightening and like losing my security blanket.

So my week is off to a flying start - it seems right to now segue into today's happiness challenge...

Gratitudes:

• So firstly I'm really grateful for this fantastic offer that has set the wheels in motion for such a great change. Sometimes you feel like you're just treading water in life and then bang...something happens and you realise how great everything can be if you just take a chance and go after what you want.
• I'm grateful for the possibilities now at my fingertips - the opportunity to build a new and improved life with my beautiful son in a place well known for it's family atmosphere.
• Lastly, I am so grateful for the support of my family and friends in helping me come to this decision. Although many don't want me to go, without exception they've been so unbelievably supportive and excited for me as all the pieces have fallen into place.

Journal:
Clearly big things are happening for me right now. It's hard to wrap my head around all of the things that I need to do logistically to make this all move forward, however that's all it is...logistics. I am so excited to be moving closer to my dad who will now be only 1.5 hours away from me (instead of 3), and as I'll be living in the 'big city' that they visit to do the shopping they can't find in Tenterfield (population @ 6,000) I'll be able to see them far more often than I now do. The last few years have been really tough for me in so many ways but I look at it as the learning and growth I needed to be able to stand up and confidently make decisions that are right for my little family. I am going to spend the next few weeks trying to revisit all of my favourite Brisbane haunts 'one last time' as a resident of this city. I am also going to try not to wish the next few weeks away and enjoy the process of my life in transition.

Random act of kindness:
I had my own random act of kindness come back to me today with an unexpected thank you for some work I've been doing. It is so lovely to be appreciated and made me realise how important it is to make these a priority in your life.

Mine today was going out of my way to thank a person who was really instrumental in helping me get my new role. They really put themselves out there to help me and have been a huge support and I wanted them to know that.

Meditation:
Sure enough my eyes were closed before I even became horizontal last night, I'm going to give it a good try tonight however.

So the lesson I've learned today is not only to look on the bright side of life, but sometimes you need to create that bright side all by yourself. A valuable lesson indeed!

So happy to finally share my news, I hope you are having as fantastic a day as I am!

xx

The happiness challenge. Lucky 7?

I'm finally on the bus after working more than 10 hours today. The brain is fried and I am shattered. Lucky 7 my ass.

I was gonna skip the challenge post today and write something semi-bitchy about people who wouldn't know a sense of urgency if it chased them down the street like a mutant swarm of bees a la The Hunger Games. Or else a list of things that piss me off, which today would probably exceed the word count! But then I thought its days like these that I probably SHOULD count my blessings, if only to stop me sending messages to others saying 'shoot me now'.

Oops too late.

I warn you, it's gonna be tough.

Gratitudes:

• Ok this first one is easy. One of my dearest friends and favorite ex-colleague told me today she was expecting her second child. I haven't quite forgiven her for leaving me for the delights of Canberra (she really didn't need to go to such lengths to get away), the baby news is AWESOME and I can't wait to see her big girl as a big sister. And on the same day I find out another old friend had a little girl. That's pretty amazing.
• The deadline for the project that kept me at work so long is TONIGHT. Thank god for small mercies.
• Scraping the bottom of the barrel here but tomorrow is FRIDAY. Just one more day until a lovely, lovely weekend. And another day further away from today. Ha.

Journal:
I received a call on the bus from a good friend congratulating me for a few good things that have happened to me lately. It was really lovely that she was so happy for me and also was lovely to remind me after a crap-tastic day like today that life doesn't suck all the time! Thanks for cheering me up!

Exercise:
I spent today running around after others and jumping through hoops to get this project over the line. Don't test me. It counts.

Meditation:
The eyes are propped open with toothpicks already so I'll be lucky if I stay awake long enough to bother.

Random act of kindness:
I sent an email today to a colleague who is quite new but really helped me out on Tuesday with this project, despite being ridiculously busy herself filling in for someone else as well as trying to get on top of her new job. I think it's really important to make people feel appreciated and she really was sensational.

So I made it. A piss-poor effort but there you are.

Why don't you tell me some of the great happy moments in your life to cheer me up some more? Now I'm going to go glaze over in front of Pinterest. I'll leave you with this gem which seems particularly apt today.

xx

The happiness challenge. Day 6.

It's pretty easy to be happy on a public holiday so the snarks from yesterday are all gone :)

Gratitudes:

• This morning I had THE best sleep-in I've had in about as long as I can remember. I didn't wake up properly until about 9:30am this morning - as a huge sleep-in for me is generally about 8am this was a damn good effort. Waking up when your body feels like it is a complete luxury when you have kids and a job!
• I just saw pics of the Jolie-Pitts trying to have a relaxing family day at the beach, which ended with them being swarmed by cameras. I am ridiculously grateful right now to NOT be famous and have my everyday actions recorded. Imagining being followed around with your kids is pretty terrifying, not to mention the paparazzi tearing you to shreds for every blemish or bad hair day. I'd be screwed.
• I swear my little in-house barista gets more talented every day. The milk/coffee/heat ratio this morning was sublime. Thank you E. 

Journal:
I am so grateful to the ever-increasing coverage of the ANZAC day commerations not just in Australia but around the world. There was some controversy in the news a little while ago where the question was posed that ANZAC day is culturally insensitive and should be dialled down to avoid offending people.

There is a general pervasive feeling among many of us that the traditions, culture and history of Australia that make it such a sought-after place for people around the globe to live is being diluted due to 'political correctness'. Yes, racism should have no place here (nor in any culture) however my feeling is that the culture of any country should be respected. I would not visit a Muslim country and act or dress disrepectfully and I would happily participate in celebrations and commemorations in other countries was I to live there. Isn't that kind of the point?

Therefore my feeling is that something as meaningful as ANZAC day should not just be left alone, but held up as a shining example of what makes this country such a great place to live. Funnily enough it is rarely those with multi-cultural backgrounds who are the ones making the fuss - most come here fully prepared to embrace our customs - but all politically motivated. My view of ANZAC day is that it is a time to remember all of the fallen who have lost their lives fighting for their country - regardless of what country that is. If Turkey and Australia can go from foe-to-friend, then surely that is the most wonderful example of multiculturalism that exists?

Meditation:
Seriously I'm bad at this. Should I not lie down when attempting to meditate? I thought relaxing was the point? I fell asleep in about 2.5 seconds last night so maybe my mind is extraordinarily clear already? Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

Exercise:
As the laziest person on the planet, I need some motivation here. Am planning on going for a walk with E later, although I do get easily distracted. Stay tuned.

Random act of kindness:
Instead of acting like everyone else in my building pretending that they don't actually SEE the person behind the glass door in the foyer trying to get in, and then frantically punching the lift button in the hope the doors will close before that person makes it inside, I actually not only held the lift door but also activated the electronic entry doors for a person on the 5th floor this morning.  She was so surprised and grateful it was like I'd just handed her a million dollars. Sad reflection on the other building occupants really.

Lastly, this is for my friend Willow who is well known for her love/hate relationship with the humble bra.

xx

The happiness challenge. Day 5

Day 5 and I've hit the wall a little. I'll admit to being a bit tired, grumpy and snappy today and the little things got on my nerves but I've been trying to work through it and suck it up. It helped that I was seriously busy at work so the day at least went pretty quick.

I think this happiness lark isn't as simple as you think it's going to be. It's so easy when you're not feeling your best to revert back to your usual knee-jerk responses and I found myself thinking like a narky bitch on more than one occasion. People who sit on the aisle seat on the bus with the window seat empty? Bastards! Spending 10 minutes straightening my hair only to look at myself in the mirrored lift to find it looked like my head hadn't seen a brush in about a year? Asshat. Waiting for the next elevator because there were too many in the previous one, being the only one waiting but somehow by the time the damn thing arrives you can't get into it for all the people either? Fucktards.

But I did swallow it so to the outside world, I don't think I managed to piss anyone off today. If I did, then sorry about that.

Gratitudes:

• Tomorrow is a public holiday, how can I not be grateful for that? Couldn't be better timed and I'm looking forward to the mini-break.
• Getting deep here but I'm so grateful for the ANZAC legacy so prevalent in this country. E's school had a special ceremony with the kids today and this resulted in a nice long talk about the reasons why commemorating this day is equally important today as it was 60 years ago. Our brave soldiers are still out there protecting and serving our country and it is people like them who enable us to live the way we do, with freedom and personal choice. It takes a very special human being to deliberately place themselves in the line of fire for others and my heart is with them and all of their families.
• Lastly I'm grateful for the together time that E and I have been having watching The Voice. It is so lovely to curl up in bed or on the couch together and play 'judges'. My son idolises Joel Madden and quite frankly I am falling more in love with him by the day myself!

Journal:
I have struggled a bit today but am thankful that even when feeling crappy I've been able to dig in and still find some positives. I wrote about my bus ride earlier and how I need to remind myself to be present. I really enjoyed my bus ride once I got over the odd sensation of simply sitting and being, and doing nothing. To do it every day is unthinkable, but I've promised myself to do this at least once a week going forward.

Random act of kindness:
This is probably a cop-out but in my introverted and selfish state today all I pretty much did was smiled at the bus driver and said thank you at the shops and to people who did stuff for me at work. Lame. I feel like I need to make up for it with something spectacular tomorrow.

xx

Love, your narky bitch who promises to be more positive tomorrow.

The happiness challenge. Day 4

The days are flying by and the happiness challenge is getting well under way. Looking on the bright side of life may give me instant flashbacks to Monty Python and the Life of Brian but I actually woke up this morning relatively non-grumpy which is pretty awesome for a Monday.

So day 4 and here we go:

Gratitudes:

• Woke up this morning to the first misty morning of the year. It was dreamy and magical, and like walking through a cloud. Wonderful way to start the week. Plus hearing from some good friends who were just as happy as me at some news I was recently given. A true sign of friendship I think is those that are not just there for you in hard times (although obviously that's important!) but with a complete lack of jealousy and a need to share your good times with genuine excitement.
• A big shout out to yellow scarf girl who graced us with her presence for the first time EVER sans scarf. I barely recognised her. So grateful not to stare at the back of her head itching to whip the scarf off and throw it out the window. The usual suspects from the 370 are really grateful.
• And lastly, I don't know if this really counts but I am grateful for it, so surely that's enough? Pinterest. There's beautiful pictures, artwork, inspirational quotes, great ideas for the home and garden and then of course things like this. People on my bus thought I was a lunatic but I just pretend it's part of my mystique :) Check them out, they gave me a giggle.

 

Journal:
There wasn't one specific event today that made me happy, I just woke up in a good mood and it went from there. From walking through the mist to work, to the day flying by lightning-fast, to walking into a beautiful clean apartment at the end of it, the day was just tinged around the edges with rosy and positive vibes. The stresses of the past few months have just seemed to have disappeared and it sounds naff but in making positive changes it is seeming to rub off on everything. I am about to embark on some huge changes in my life but really think perhaps I've been standing still for such a long time and it's overdue. Excitement! I love to have things to look forward to, but I am learning through this exercise that it's also important not to wish our lives away anticipating the future.

Exercise:
OK, this is the hard one for a lazy case like me but I'm determined to get out the Yoga app on my ipad soon after I write this. You can amuse yourself with thoughts of me twisted up like a pretzel and likely falling over whilst trying to balance on one leg.

Meditation:
Once again I lay down and immediately dropped off. I'm either absolutely fantastic at meditation or a complete noob. I've never been terribly effective in clearing my mind, it seems to race double time at the first indication of me trying to stop it, but as generally I stay awake for hours at night over-thinking things, perhaps I'm doing something right?

So I must admit I am kinda liking this challenge. It will be interesting to see how I go when coping with more difficult times as the last few days have been incident free. And it's the hard times that really count, I think!

Dopamine much? I might be addicted.

xx