Seafood pizza. Bacon. Doing nothing. Happiness Day 17

I'm now standing on the precipice of my last few days of my Happiness Challenge and it's made me rather reflective. It's been a fairly time consuming exercise and some days have been really tough to fulfil. There are simply some days that I don't want to be happy, dammit! Although perhaps I can credit this challenge with ensuring the last two weeks have probably had the lowest ratio of bad days I've had in ages.

The challenge has made me think a lot about what makes puts a smile on my face and a spring in my step. Everyone seeks happiness, everyone wants happiness, but what is happiness exactly?

If you google 'happiness' there are over 62 million hits ranging from deep and meaningful to clever and silly. Everyone has their own interpretation of what happiness is, but so many say the same sorts of things just using different words. My two favourites are at the opposite ends of the spectrum but essentially say the same thing:

'Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony'. Mahatma Gandhi

and 'Happiness is like jam. You can't spread even a little without getting some on yourself'. Anonymous

Incidentally, what the hell did we EVER do before google?

Gratitudes:

• I woke up feeling slightly unwell this morning so am thankful that a) it's a Sunday so I can legitimately do nothing and b) it's a long weekend so everything that I probably shoulda, coulda, woulda done today I can do tomorrow instead. Mucho gratitude for this
• I haven't actually left the apartment today but instead have once again been enjoying the glorious weather on my balcony. I really love my balcony and will definitely miss it when I leave, although I'll be trading it in for a backyard and a covered outdoor area which will likely be far more private and green so it's all good. I love to be outside and have missed that in unit living, so my balcony is a godsend
• Thank you for the great response on my post about being a single mum. Sometimes it's really difficult to write about things that are deeply personal however it is extremely liberating and gratifying when your writing catches people's imaginations. I'm still learning about this whole blogging business and trying to find my feet and what people like to read, and if someone can read what I write and identify with or get something out of it, then that is a wonderful feeling

Journal:
The day has whizzed by despite a (too) early wake-up and a lazy day of doing absolutely nothing. I was about to go for a nanna nap when I realised it was past 4pm and that I probably missed my window if I'm going to sleep tonight.

It has been a really lovely day, I cooked bacon and toast for E and myself for breakfast which I haven't done since I can't remember when. Then...blissful nothing.

Now we've made homemade pizzas (seafood, my favourite) and they're in the oven for an early dinner. Mmmmm.

And tomorrow a few bits and pieces of tidying up and then meeting dad for dinner, lovely.

Loving this weekend, if this is what happiness is, I'll take it.

Meditation:
I stayed up far too late last night for no apparent reason and once again fell asleep at some mid point during the bedtime visualisation. Perhaps that's why I feel lousy today?

Random act of kindness:
This is lame but I let E run over and grab sushi for lunch and that's about as far as I got. He was happy so I guess it counts?

So have you had a good day? Do you get a long weekend too and if so, what have you been doing with your time? Would love for you to let me know.

xx

On being a single mother. Dispelling the myth.

First of all, let me just say how much I really despise the term 'single mum'. Perhaps it's because it's so overused or maybe it's because to me it conjures an image of a grotty, foul-mouthed hard-drinking bogan (white trash to non-Australians) yelling at a snotty, barefoot child with filthy feet.

Ugh. Filthy feet.

Anyway, I really don't like the term and for many years refused to use it entirely. If I had to refer to myself as being without a partner and with a child, I preferred to use the term 'sole parent'. Even that sounds a bit wanky though. Generally I just avoided labelling myself unless asked, and then I would mumble something incoherently along the lines of 'yes I'm on my own'.

Frankly I was embarrassed and didn't want people to judge or label me without getting to know me first.

What amazes me is the reactions from people when they DO find out I'm on my own raising my son. Those that had taken the time to know me were so surprised! I mean, I have a pretty good job, I make a decent income, I live in a nice place, rarely drink, dress reasonably well and gasp! My child is clean, fed and clothed. And wears shoes.

And we speak proper English...mostly.

They are so full of admiration and 'I don't know how you do it'. And whilst it's nice to hear, I do not want to be held up as some shining example of how to 'do' single motherhood right. I'm just doing what I do the best I can, like everyone else.

However you could see for most of those that didn't know me that immediately I was put into a little box labelled 'single mother' and either dismissed entirely as a second-class citizen or seen as some kind of husband-stealing hussy.

I must admit things have gotten easier as E has gotten older. Sadly our society's divorce rate is high and therefore many of those who used to stand in judgement have now found themselves in similar circumstances, which funnily enough changes their attitudes pretty quickly! But as I was on my own from the beginning, I was a rarety and had to develop a really thick skin to let the patronising glares and downright rude and dismissive attitudes roll off me. It was tough. Going to ante-natal classes with my sister, I either received glares for being on my own and pregnant, or glares because they assumed my sister was my same-sex partner. Either way, judgement abounded.

I'm a single mum for the same reason as I suspect the majority are - circumstance. I don't think there'd be many people out there who wouldn't choose a happy marriage to raise a child as their first option, however life doesn't always work out perfectly and the choices we make when thrown a curveball either make us or break us.

I guess I chose to make me, and it's honestly been the best, hardest, funnest, saddest thing I've ever done in my life. As cliched as it might sound, E has probably taught me more about myself than I've taught him. I was a marshmallow who cared far too much what people thought. Having endured the judgements and criticisms of my 'lifestyle', and having my axis tilted by this tiny being who suddenly became the centre of my universe, I quickly learned to toughen up, put things into perspective and endless patience.

Pretty much like most mums, married or not.

I've met a bunch of fellow single mums over the years and funnily enough, most don't just sit around and feed their pensions through the pokies whilst their kids sit in the car. Most of us have pride in the fact that we're raising articulate, educated children, just in an environment with one parent instead of two. The only difference being is that we're not allowed to fall down, because no-one is there to pick us up. It's a luxury that we cannot afford.

My point being?

Next time you meet a single mum, get to know her and THEN judge her! If you don't like her, then fine, but you may just have just met a fantastic person and you'll never know it if you make a snap judgement based on the fact that she's single. All it means is that she's doing a really important job without a lot of backup.

And I really, really promise not to steal your husband.

I would love to hear any opinions or stories from you, whether you're partnered or single! We've all been judged and it sucks, so let me know what you do to let it roll off.

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xx