I'm so sorry, but...Owning your shit.

You know something, I really hate a half-assed apology.

Or apologies with strings. You know, the old, 'I'm sorry but...[insert excuse here]'.

Personally I struggle to be a grudge holder. Even when I really WANT to, somehow the anger and hurt just melt away and I find myself being nice to that person without reservation and then remembering later that I was supposed to be mad at them. D'oh. Clearly it's just not in my DNA.

I used to envy Cathy with her infamous indelible ink 'hitlist' although to her credit you really had to do some serious shit to her to get on the list.

Back to me...if someone unreservedly apologises - all is forgiven (I would also say forgotten...but let's face it, I will bring it up and rub it in your face 10-20 years later just for fun. Case in point: my good friend L who made my life a living hell at high school. I say 'good friend' because at our 10 year reunion, the first person I saw was an inebriated L rushing towards me saying 'I was a complete bitch at high school, and I'm so sorry'. Who can't admire the balls on that??? I like to bring it up as often as I can, as it's fun to have an ex-bitch as a great friend).

I also think I'm pretty free with the apologising myself. I like to think I'm reasonably self aware most of the time (although as per most people I AM the centre of my own universe so it can be hard to judge) and see genuine apologies without strings to be the sign of a strong character.  Note I said 'without strings'. 

So getting back to the point - it's hard to stay on my bad side. You have to seriously screw with me, my friends or my family and then not give a crap that you did. Repeatedly. Even then you likely won't get a tongue lashing from me, I'll just walk away and move on with my life...without you in it.

It shouldn't be that hard to just say, 'I fucked up and I'm sorry'. Seriously.

In my world, if you apologise, you apologise. Done. No bullshit, no finger pointing. No twisting or words or situations. If you need to do this, then don't apologise, because you're not really sorry.

Basically....own your shit (flashback to my stepmother and first boss drumming into my head 'take responsibility for your actions, Rebecca!!! Lesson learned - are you proud???).

I will accept pretty much any apology from anyone who just owns their shit. You'll probably find that I'll reciprocate with my own heartfelt apology, we'll go get drunk and laugh/cry about our exploits both now and in 20 years time.

Look, I'm not denying it can be hard to contact someone years after the fact and apologise. In fact it totally sucks being the bad guy at any time and I know a lot of people see apologising as a kind of weakness. Personally I think the opposite. Someone who can stand there and admit they were wrong and show genuine remorse - that can take seriously huge balls. But it has to be genuine...otherwise there is an element of 'why did they bother?'

To me it just comes down to respect. I have had friends for 20+ years where we've never fought, never spoken badly to each other, barely had a cross word. Amazing for the dramatic little biatches like we are. Respect. And if we inadvertently say something wrong we immediately own our shit and apologise before it escalates.

Works for us.

So there's my thought for the day and an adage that I'm going to use repeatedly because I like the way it sounds...

Own your shit. Own it.

xx