Burn Baby Burn. Bec's Burn Book.

A few days ago I made the discovery that totally made my week. Apologies if this isn't really news to anyone else, but I have just stumbled on Suri's Burn Book.

I have a total new respect for the offspring of Xenu the unholy Cruise/Holmes union, with her commentary on the celebri-tots of Hollywood. Her sartorial fashion sense is impeccable, as is her biting wit.

Not to mention she's totally with me on the overalls and tights-as-pants issues, her love for Louis Bullock as well as utter disdain for Tom and Katie. Not to mention her budding rivalry with Blue Ivy. I won't even go into her opinion of 'gingers'. What's not to love?

Pearls of wisdom gleaned from Suri:

Mariah must be so mad that her baby turned out to be a nerd (on learning Monroe wears glasses).

Who is this beautiful alien and what has she done with the walking embarrassment who lives in my apartment? (on seeing a picture of Katie in a magazine). 

I'm impressed by how well Tabitha and Loretta Broderick dress themselves, considering their mother is such a granny mess. Way to break the cycle, ladies. I did it too, and it's harder than it looks. 

My book won't be officially released until September 4 (I'm trying to upstage Beyonce on her birthday) but like everything sought-after in the industry, it has leaked early online. You can peek inside this work of art (or even buy it) at Barnes and Noble or Amazon. Proceeds will go to the 'Help Violet Afflect Dress Better' Charity Fund. Haha, just kidding. There's not enough money in the world for that. 

And yes, there's a book! Suri's Burn Book: Well-Dressed Commentary From Hollywood's Little Sweetheart.


It's on the wishlist.

It's has made me realise there has been a GLARING omission from my blog since it's inception and I am now inspired to create my own Burn Book. Thanks Suri, you are my idol.

So introducing Bec's Burn Book. I'm excited!

1. Julia Gillard. You might be a  youtube sensation overseas for your 'anti misogynist' rant this week, however we know it was just some political misdirection to point the finger away from the misogynist whose been a leader in your camp for some time. Pot. Kettle. Black Ms Gillard. Must be Tuesday.
2. Lohans. The whole freaking lot of em. A few days ago the junior hot mess called the daddy mess to report that mommy mess was on cocaine and that junior was 'dead to her'. Cue 24 hours later and junior is saying mommy mess was NOT on cocaine and that daddy mess was 'dead to her'. Who can keep up? It's like the longest, slowest train wreck that never stops. I believe there's a junior mess-in-training out there - call Suri, she has your emancipation papers waiting.
3. Duelling famewhores Nicky Minaj and Mariah Carey. Enough said.
4. Local Toowoomba radio: for heinous crimes such as playing Flo Rida repeatedly (blow your own whistle, Flo and leave me out of it) and being enormous fans of Nickelback. Taste. Ass. I'm just sayin.
5. Final burn of the week goes to Dr Conrad Murray whose sturdy exterior belies a delicate little princess. Apparently prison is 'inhumane' and he is developing health issues which may (or may not) be life-threatening. It's called PRISON, Dr Murray. Which you got sent to for being found guilty of killing the world's biggest superstar, like ever. I don't like to wish ill on you, but seriously, you're appearing more in the gossip rags now than you were before. STFU.

Burn.

So I've got some work to do to be considered a peer of the inimitable Suri however that was fun. Burn, baby, Burn. I need a really cool logo for this don't I? Any budding graphic-savvy people out there want to take me on as a lost cause?

xx