I must have been REALLY bad in a previous life.

Dear Lord,

What did I ever do to deserve neighbours who enjoy ZZ Top on repeat at top volume while one of them throws up (loudly) in the back garden?

Why? Why? Why?

xx

Confessions of a sad, sad book nerd.

When you fall in love with a series of books, finding out the next one is available is just like Christmas!

OK I'll admit it, I'm a total book nerd. Seriously bad. My Kindle is like another limb, and before 'the best present EVER' arrived, I could pretty much always been seen wandering around clutching a paperback.

I'll read pretty much anything and everything, from serious fare to serious chicklit, to Harry Potter to a great mystery. There's only been two books in my reading history that I've never been able to get through, even if I hate the damn thing, I have to keep reading (for interest's sake, the two books in question were so stomach churning I actually wanted to be sick).


But it's a total joy to find a series of books where a) you love the writing and b) love the storyline. So often you fall in love with characters but as the series goes on, the stories and character development just gets kinda...well, lame (Janet Evanonich, I'm looking at you. Stephanie Plum just ain't what she used to be).

One series of books that hasn't disappointed me (yet...) is the House of Night books. Yes, OK, they're young adult focused books and yes OK, they're probably better suited to my son's girlfriends but I'm seriously in love with them. So there.


So when I peeked on Amazon today and saw that the latest gem, Hidden, is now available, I was like a little kid on their birthday.

Everyone says the best thing about a Kindle is that you can store thousands of books on there (I'm at about 350 and counting) as well as access to pretty much every book around, and this is completely true. But even better, no-one can tell what you're really reading so you appear completely intellectual despite the fact you're reading something better suited to your kid's teenage babysitter.

If I'm a bit quiet over the next few days, it's because I'm completely immersed in the world of Zoey and the House of Night.

Life. Get one. Got it.

Happy Thursday all, hope the perfect weather up my way is translating to everyone else! Spring has definitely sprung.



xx

Ridden hard. Put away wet.

One of my favourite expressions, along with 'hot mess'.

This sadly describes more than one in Hollywood (or indeed in Toowoomba) but the most shining example in today's pop culture surely has to be the tragic Courtney Stodden.

Currently featuring on Couples Therapy with her grandfather husband, not only has this tranny young girl accidentally called her hubby 'daddy' on more than one occasion, now she's been called out by Shane Lamas and Nik Ritchie for being...well trashy.

Can we all say duh???

Considering Nik is famous for one of the most misogynistic websites around (I just looked it up and threw up in my mouth a little)...well, you know you've found a whole new low. Ouch.

Click here to see it all in action. 'I'm sittin' across the dinner table from a little girl with her boobs hangin' out'.

Priceless.

Incidentally, how does an 18 year old girl manage to look like a middle aged tranny who's been..well, ridden hard and put away wet? I don't even know how's it's possible.

There are some people put on this earth to serve as a warning to others. Truer words were never spoken.

xx

Burn Baby Burn. Bec's Burn Book.

A few days ago I made the discovery that totally made my week. Apologies if this isn't really news to anyone else, but I have just stumbled on Suri's Burn Book.

I have a total new respect for the offspring of Xenu the unholy Cruise/Holmes union, with her commentary on the celebri-tots of Hollywood. Her sartorial fashion sense is impeccable, as is her biting wit.

Not to mention she's totally with me on the overalls and tights-as-pants issues, her love for Louis Bullock as well as utter disdain for Tom and Katie. Not to mention her budding rivalry with Blue Ivy. I won't even go into her opinion of 'gingers'. What's not to love?

Pearls of wisdom gleaned from Suri:

Mariah must be so mad that her baby turned out to be a nerd (on learning Monroe wears glasses).

Who is this beautiful alien and what has she done with the walking embarrassment who lives in my apartment? (on seeing a picture of Katie in a magazine). 

I'm impressed by how well Tabitha and Loretta Broderick dress themselves, considering their mother is such a granny mess. Way to break the cycle, ladies. I did it too, and it's harder than it looks. 

My book won't be officially released until September 4 (I'm trying to upstage Beyonce on her birthday) but like everything sought-after in the industry, it has leaked early online. You can peek inside this work of art (or even buy it) at Barnes and Noble or Amazon. Proceeds will go to the 'Help Violet Afflect Dress Better' Charity Fund. Haha, just kidding. There's not enough money in the world for that. 

And yes, there's a book! Suri's Burn Book: Well-Dressed Commentary From Hollywood's Little Sweetheart.


It's on the wishlist.

It's has made me realise there has been a GLARING omission from my blog since it's inception and I am now inspired to create my own Burn Book. Thanks Suri, you are my idol.

So introducing Bec's Burn Book. I'm excited!

1. Julia Gillard. You might be a  youtube sensation overseas for your 'anti misogynist' rant this week, however we know it was just some political misdirection to point the finger away from the misogynist whose been a leader in your camp for some time. Pot. Kettle. Black Ms Gillard. Must be Tuesday.
2. Lohans. The whole freaking lot of em. A few days ago the junior hot mess called the daddy mess to report that mommy mess was on cocaine and that junior was 'dead to her'. Cue 24 hours later and junior is saying mommy mess was NOT on cocaine and that daddy mess was 'dead to her'. Who can keep up? It's like the longest, slowest train wreck that never stops. I believe there's a junior mess-in-training out there - call Suri, she has your emancipation papers waiting.
3. Duelling famewhores Nicky Minaj and Mariah Carey. Enough said.
4. Local Toowoomba radio: for heinous crimes such as playing Flo Rida repeatedly (blow your own whistle, Flo and leave me out of it) and being enormous fans of Nickelback. Taste. Ass. I'm just sayin.
5. Final burn of the week goes to Dr Conrad Murray whose sturdy exterior belies a delicate little princess. Apparently prison is 'inhumane' and he is developing health issues which may (or may not) be life-threatening. It's called PRISON, Dr Murray. Which you got sent to for being found guilty of killing the world's biggest superstar, like ever. I don't like to wish ill on you, but seriously, you're appearing more in the gossip rags now than you were before. STFU.

Burn.

So I've got some work to do to be considered a peer of the inimitable Suri however that was fun. Burn, baby, Burn. I need a really cool logo for this don't I? Any budding graphic-savvy people out there want to take me on as a lost cause?

xx

Overall? Or a bad idea, overall?

When I was in Brisbane, when people-watching on public transport I had no shortage of inspiration for my blog. I also worked in the city, and the tourist factor was also a plethora of ideas regarding fashion, hair and generally a whole What-Not-To-Wear Tutorial.

Since living in Toowoomba, I have been driving to work which means I just don't get to see as much along the way (that is NOT to say that there aren't some fashion crimes on a whole different playing level here...refer to previous post on Cliffos. I cannot repeat due to desperately trying to repress memories that just cannot be unseen).

So I need to get my inspiration from elsewhere, ie. news, gossip blogs, and of course Facebook.

Apologies to my friend who I'm about to dob in for her heinous post this morning, asking for advice on where to buy a pair of shortie overalls.

I'm sorry honey, but no.

Just no.

I say this in the nicest possible way...

Shortie overalls, or indeed overalls of any kind, are not for anyone.

ANYONE.

Unless you're male and aged 18 months. Then there's an exception. Or a labourer, in which case it's more of a health and safety issue than a fashion choice.

Note the picture on the right. Pretty girl, clearly she's a model so the fantastic body goes without saying. And yet...

This so-called 'fashion' look makes her hips look big, gives her no shape whatsoever and the fit around the legs is just ugh.

Way to make a skinny chick look like crap (on second thought, Miranda Kerr can you please go and buy some?).

I swore when I worked with a pregnant girl who wore long overalls EVERY. DAMN. DAY. of her pregnancy that I would never, ever, ever subject myself to this travesty. And I've held up my end of the bargain. Pregnant women can only JUST get away with this (although not for work..have mercy on our souls). And really, only JUST, because we all know what those pregnancy hormones are like..

Anyone else...

Yeah no.

So this is a cry for help.

Friend (you know who you are)...please reconsider your stance. I beg you. It's in the public interest. Your interest. My interest.

Well OK, mostly my interest but surely that still counts?

So I'll throw it out there...what's your stance on the overall? (and shouldn't it be overalls? Otherwise I'll have to comment on my other pet peeve of calling trousers a 'pant'. There's a whole other post right there).

xx

Think you're having a bad day?

I thought I'd pass out when I received my latest electrical bill (damn you oil heater) but that has nothing on the phone bill this French woman recently received.

There were so many zeroes I couldn't even work out how much it was.

What she said.

So whenever you think your day is shit, just remember, at least you didn't receive a final demand for a $14.92 thousand trillion dollar invoice in the mail today.

xx

What's in a name...part II.

So this morning my cubicle-mates and I held the most interesting, rambling conversation of the type that can only occur among sleep-and-caffeine deprived colleagues at the ungodly hour of 7:30am (speaking of which, I have a caffeine-free colleague, I do not comprehend and think we cannot be friends).

Topics ranged from an Italian bloke who was gifted an espresso machine at age 10 and has lived on no less than 5 espressos prior to 9am ever since (excuse me dad, I'm nearly 40 and still no espresso machine? What's with that?), which then morphed into Italian families often calling multiple children the same name (I won't get into the details of our speculations as to why). Cue a bizarre segue into 'of all the names in the world, and they called him THAT?' conversation.

For example, my cubicle-mate was pressured to call any female offspring 'Flavia' (sorry to any Flavia's out there, but UGH). Almost in rebellion she popped out three boys before producing a girl which she named something as opposite of Flavia as she could get. Sorry monster-in-law.

I've talked about this whole naming phenomenen before in What's in a name, having a look into what your name means and whether you are born your name or BECOME it.

However with so many names up for grabs, it's become bleedingly obvious that naming your child is clearly a completely subjective thing. What's one person's trash and all that.

A few years ago a local radio station held a 'Save Barry' campaign. Apparently Barry's are dying out as no-one is naming their kids Bazza anymore. For shame. No offence Barry(s), but is that a bad thing?

A Kiwi friend's sister (living in Australia) named her son Dexter, unprepared for the unintentional hilarity in response to the name. Anyone living in Australia in the 80s will always and forever associate Dexter with the Perfect Match robot and bimbos with big hair ready to hook up for the weekend and then tell the world the bloke was bad in bed.

What a legacy. Poor kid.

Funnily enough I then went down to the coffee van only to engage in a conversation with the girl who'd held a 'freshie' last night who sadly, has been dubbed Frederick. I just hope you grow up cute, Fred. You may need it.

Now you're probably coming to the conclusion that I'm a name nazi. You might be right, but there's plenty of names I don't mind at all. I'm also not against the slightly-different name either, provided there's some kind of cool factor.  I deliberately chose Elijah as it didn't register on any top 100 'most popular' lists anywhere and of course Cathy is (in)famous for calling her son Seven. Let's be honest, we all silently went 'huh?' at the time but it completely suits him and is unique and cool.

If you want a great giggle, head on over to About Stupid Kid Names to see what I'm talking about. As they say on their home page:

'This site is our forum for the merciless mocking of parents who give their children stupid names. Note that our intent is not to make fun of children themselves, because — well, that’d just be assholish. We have children ourselves, for God’s sake. What do you think we are, monsters?'

Don't even get me started on bastardised spelling or heaven forbid, the stupid little inflection thingies over certain letters. Unless you're French or whatever, it just looks stupid.

For God's sake, I grew up with the bog standard moniker 'Rebecca' and people couldn't spell THAT. So please don't get offended when we mispronounce/misspell Laqueeessha or Madysonn or whatever the hell your addled, post-birth brain plucked as the 'perfect' name at the time.

And I've said it before, I'll say it again - if you call your daughter Destiny, what on earth is her stripper name meant to be? Thoughtless.

See I told you not to get me started.

So what is your name? What have you called your kid? And apologies if you have a daughter named Destiny, but hey, you know it's true.

xx