Bayonets, Fifty Shades, Tiaras and the bizarre life of an assistant.

So another crazy week done and dusted and I'm feeling pretty damned pleased with myself, albeit exhausted.

Yesterday really highlighted the diverse and sometimes bizarre life of an assistant...from getting my boss ready for an overseas trip to following him to his private park to swap cars and unload his rifles from the boot...

Yes that was not a typo. Private park. Unloading rifles. You read it correctly.

It was the first time I've ever held a gun of any description and whilst they were all in bags, it was still surreal and somewhat terrifying. My boss also recalled a story of how he has purchased a World War I rifle that was never taken out of the box...when he opened it he discovered not only the rifle but a BAYONET.

For real.

I told him to walk around the office with it casually slung over his shoulder at pay review time. Watch productivity increase. Demands decrease. Problem solved.

I for one won't be pissing him off in a hurry now I know he's such a crack shot. And he is the proud owner of a BAYONET.

Fall in line, troops.

So a rifle is so much heavier than I expected. Unless I develop some guns (pun intended) tout suite, I would barely be able to lift the thing shoulder height, let alone take any kind of decent aim.

For the record, my boss does target shooting for sport, not anything with a pulse.

So there's a couple of 'firsts' that I don't think I'd ever experience in Brisbane! Probably not anywhere except Toowoomba! In what universe do you stumble into a magical garden just a few short blocks from the CBD??? My imagination is already planning all the parties we can have there...

So today we went to visit my fellow blogger Willow in her lovely new home, which is now sooo much closer to me...literally just a 2-3 minute drive...yay for me! I am in love with her place and if I ever get sick of my little abode I'll be evicting her and moving in myself. So happy for her.

Wonderful to see the kids all playing happily together. One of the nicest things about my old long-time friends is now most of us have kids of our own and they all play BEAUTIFULLY together. In some cases there's years between them but it simply doesn't matter. So nice to be able to hang with my lovely ladies knowing the kids are happy and occupied (and hopefully in another room).

So this afternoon I dropped E off to his first ever overnight camping birthday party. Laser skirmish, pizza, plenty of sugar, a huge tent...and did I mention 11 kids? They are much braver people than me although they assured me their earplugs are top notch, so perhaps that's the trick. I am looking forward to hearing all about the night's hijinks when I pick up an overtired, oversugared child tomorrow.

And then we're going to surprise someone...I won't say anything just in case they read this and it spoils it all but I'm so looking forward to it.

So I've just finished reading all the Fallen series by Lauren Kate. It's about fallen angels and I must say it took me awhile to get into them and I didn't really fall in LOVE with the characters but the storyline was really interesting so I had to keep reading to find out what happened. I've heard they're making it into a movie but I just don't see how they'll be able to do it convincingly...fingers crossed they don't make a total hash of it as per Twilight.

Speaking of, I know it will be crap but I'm still excited that the last part of Breaking Dawn is opening soon! Will be dragging Miss Willow along and she'll have no excuse now we're both living in the same town.

So I finished all the books and went trolling through amazon.com to try to find something new to read. I must say I was a bit uninspired and I'm up to date with most of my favourite authors so I have done what I had promised myself I wouldn't...

I downloaded Fifty Shades of Grey.

Oh dear.

I've heard it's really badly written and not at all a convincing portrait however everyone's been going on about it and my screen crush Ian Somerhalder is lobbying for the part of the main character in the soon-to-be-made movie, so I thought, why the hell not. If it's good enough for Ian and all that...

So if I'm engrossed in my kindle the next few days I'll tell you I'm reading something intellectually stimulating but in actual fact I'll be reading something else stimulating...er...or so I've heard.

So there we go.

Oh you'll see the depths of my boredom when I reveal something so horrifying and shocking and embarrassing that I did last night...

I've mentioned before that I've exhausted pretty much all of my TV shows and subsequently have been delving into fare I'd never generally watch in a million years (The Shire, anyone?).

Well last night I sunk to a new low.

I watched....(oh God I can barely say it)...

Toddlers and Tiaras.

Perhaps I picked a bad episode to start with, being a 50s theme with one FOUR YEAR OLD GIRL coming out dressed as Sandy and pretending to smoke. I'm pretty sure the cig was real, too. Not lit, but so not the point. And the little girl's mother is justifying herself all over the place saying it was just acting and she had to be authentic.

As if dressing your little kid up as some kind of bizarro-world adult/doll wasn't bad enough.

It was the most horrifying experience of my life.

And you can bet I'll be watching another episode as soon as I've finished typing this.

It's like a car crash, I just can't look away.

And as an aside...if you call your kid Destiny, what the hell is her stripper name supposed to be????? Wrong. Just wrong.

So there you are...I'll be tucked up trying to get warm on an unseasonably FREEZING night either getting naughty with Fifty Shades or naughtier with Toddlers and Tiaras.

Have a good weekend all!

xx